Whenever you talk about erectile dysfunction, you will inevitably receive an “advice” to get Viagra® or Levitra® or Cialis®. But it’s not a magic fix and definitely not a viable solution for any situation. If you don’t know what’s going on, you’ll just waste money and fall deeper into the shithole of depression.
What is sildenafil, the active substance in Viagra® pill?
Sildenafil is a PDE5 enzyme inhibitor. PDE5 kills the process involving activation and functioning of erection messengers such as cyclic guanosine monophosphate and others that are responsible for attaining and maintaining an erection during the entire sexual intercourse.
This enzyme gets released into your system when you reach the orgasm or, in some cases, when it’s too cold in the room, or if your mother-in-law rushes in and interrupts you. Or for any number of reasons.
What happens is that after your brain signals the release of PDE5 and it starts killing messengers, all that trapped blood in your soft penile tissue flows back into the veins. The consequence is almost immediately depleted penis.
Of course, there’s nothing wrong with the process when things work like they should. The problem emerges when a man starts having difficulties attaining and maintaining a regular and optimal erection to endure through the entire process.
Viagra® works in a rather simple way.
Sildenafil prevents activation of the PDE5 enzyme, which adds 50-60% of chance for the job well done. At least according to the meta-analysis of clinical trial reports, done in 2002[1].
However, this only includes the instances where sexual arousal occurred and where all those erection messengers are functioning.
But what if sexual arousal voids entirely?
The “erection” success formula to attain and maintain the erection throughout the process is simple:
The potential of an immediate sexual stimulus must exceed the physical and mental obstacles present at that particular moment.
If that stimulus is less than required at a given moment, sexual arousal will void and sildenafil will have nothing to kill because there will be no erection messengers active in your body. Which basically makes popping Viagra useless.
How to restore the normal erection and subsequent sexual function when the pill is not an option
First, we must trace back the most likely cause of your erectile dysfunction. And we don’t have to move far from one particular segment of our contemporary lifestyle to pinpoint our primary suspect.
Sex routine and lack of creativity
How many times have you been turned down by your partner in last 3 weeks?
When she finally succumbs to your persistent persuasions to have sex with you, was it in any way different from last few times you had sex?
In a first instance, you are suffering the consequences of the situation common for 100% married men. Wives become less prone to have passionate sex with us. Rejections are daily events and it’s a generally accepted dogma that men are used to it by default.
We are not! That’s just a dangerous delusion because each of those rejections acts as a hit on our egos that result in an immediate serotonin deprivation. That’s why you feel low after being rejected.
You, I, and everybody else around us live in a constant state of duality between how we see ourselves and how others are seeing us. We are constantly seeking for the approval of our every expression. And when that expression meets rejection (negative response), the event inhibits the firing of two vital neurotransmitters: serotonin and subsequently, dopamine.
The first is a reward we feel in our bodies when we are accepted for who we are and for what we did. The second, dopamine, is the body’s natural amphetamine responsible for distribution and balance of energy in mental and locomotive processes.
You can easily imagine the consequence of the (sex) deprivation.
The real problem emerges when a habit forms.
Have you ever been lying down behind your woman, imagining her vagina, her body and herself, and getting that feeling how you are picturing a hostile element?
Don’t worry. We all had our share of those feelings.
Well, that’s the direct outcome of the habit your brain formed after being trained to anticipate a rejection. It’s a wonder how we even have a stamina and willpower to keep on asking for something we are frequently not getting. In other instances, you’ll ask only twice or three times before giving up entirely.
“Daddy, would you buy me a new bike?”
“For the third and last time, no!”
And off you go with the sadness in your heart, watching all those kids around you having fun on their new bikes while you have to keep embarrassing yourself on that old, rusty piece of junk.
Yet, once you find yourself a wife, she can reject you as many times as she wants, but you will still keep on pushing and asking for the same thing. If lucky, you’ll get it once every two weeks or even less.
But then, another problem forms that nails that last hammer in your casket.
In those few rare moments when she finally grants you an access to get you off her back for a while, the entire deal comes down to repeating the same, old, dull routine.
You do it once. You do it twice. You do it for an entire year. Every time.
Do you like eating beans day after day, all year long?
Neither does she!
Ask yourself: what have you done to spice things up?
Think of it this way: in 2 out of 4 sexual intercourses, she was most likely forcing herself and had to suppress tears.
Why?
It’s boring and unchallenging for her too. And she’s rightfully expecting her man to stir the routine.
Have you bought your wife a vibrator? If so, how frequently are you using this great sex toy during sex?
When was the last time you took her out? Bought her something nice? Surprised her? Made her laugh?
All these seemingly small things are simple ways to restart her passion.
How frequently you two are having anal sex? Are you shying away from or not that skillful in oral stimulation?
How often does she provide you with oral pleasure? Did you ask yourself why it became so rare when, not so long ago, she had a mouthful of it in first six months to a year of your relationship?
And then you wonder why she isn’t putting out as often as she used to…
You wonder why you can’t get your boner every time you are expected…
Do you know why?
Because of your mirror neurons.
There’s this neurotransmitter that had been developed only in a final stage of our evolution. It’s what made us to ditch our hedonistic habits and group in tight communities.
In the event of the childbirth, this particular hormone fires with an immense intensity in both mother’s and child’s brains, creating the single, strongest emotional bond known to us.
The second strongest is that of a husband and a wife.
The level of oxytocin exchange that is happening with every sensory contact, even the remote one, determines how tightly bonded a husband and a wife really are.
That’s why you are immediately drawn to a particular woman while some other, that might even be more attractive, triggers this weak and inadequate emotional response in your body. Simply put, two brains either resonate at the optimal frequency for that connection to occur or not.
When you add serotonin to the equation, you get an interesting mix of brain chemicals that determine the quality of your sex life.
Since your brain is perfectly capable of “reading the signals,” it is, therefore, able to determine the needed level of activation of both oxytocin and serotonin neurotransmitters.
So when your wife isn’t sending a clear signal that she’s enjoying the sexual intercourse, your brain is instantly recognizing the negative response and consequently deprives you of the reward (serotonin, or that thing that makes you proud about yourself!).
In the same time, the brain identifies the less-than-optimal frequency and inhibits the release of oxytocin.
These processes occur simultaneously in both of your brains, resulting in feelings of disappointment and anger.
You see, you can be as smart as you want but you can’t fool your own brain.
That guy can recognize when the situation is not entirely optimal for your well-being and automatically tries to push you away from it.
One of the means your brain will use in that mission is a full-scale erectile dysfunction problem.
Naturally, since 99.99% of urologists are men, you are automatically “diagnosed” with a physiological cause. It’s either serum cholesterol, borderline obesity, diabetes, low blood pressure, or any of the usual nonsenses they are selling to us, just because of this weird consensus among men.
A silent agreement to keep the underlying problem under the carpet.
Heaven forbid that we blame our mental state and private circumstances for the erectile problems. It has to be some physical sickness. Here’s the pill, you’ll be fine.
You won’t. Because you tried to patch the ruptured tire with the bit of a scotch tape.
But how can you be sure that the doctors are not right?
#1 – Played a porn. Did you get your boner? Could you lead yourself to orgasm?
#2 – Found another woman. Was it fully erected and hard? Did she make you horny?
#3 – Hired a high-class escort; a true, skillful professional. Did you have to apologize?
These are the simplest tests to determine that erectile dysfunction is not caused by any of the marketed medical conditions.
You have a problem because the following 3 things connected at a given moment:
- Cortisol overexposure
- Mental or extreme physical fatigue
- Sexual routine
Which means that you simply must eliminate at least one out of three to restore your sexual function.
- Cortisol is putting you in defense mode, concentrating resources in muscles and organs, NOT IN A SOFT PENILE TISSUE
- Fatigue, both mental and physical, drained too much energy out of you and seriously lowered your serum testosterone
- Routine triggered the habit – the anticipation of a dull, unchallenging and unrewarding event.
For example, high-end Wall Street brokers, who are known to burn extreme amounts of mental and physical energy and who are always under an immense emotional stress (cortisol overexposure), are frequently reported to perform far better than other men, less exposed to these inhibiting factors – if they (brokers) are single or having an affair and thus, not slaves to routine.
Everyday husbands, who managed to ditch the paradigm of the “responsible adult” and started following their true passions, which require both mental and physical energy, have no problems repeating the sex routines with their wives, leading their women to orgasms, every time – only because they are less exposed to cortisol.
In other words, when you operate with the purpose and for the purpose, what once was a nerve-racking responsibility is now a passion-driven fun. Thus, less emotionally negative stress.
How to fix erectile dysfunction problem?
- Start with buying your wife a dildo.
Women, who are masturbating more often and thus, are more orgasmic, are consequently more prone to have sex. Also, they simply enjoy when a man uses the vibrator during oral sex or vaginal/anal penetration. After all, they are constantly imagining being penetrated by two guys. Use that fact to your advantage.
Take her somewhere, far away from anyone you know, for a weekend. Let it be a spa center of some kind, where she can relax and get all those wonderful massages. Then do her like she wants it (refer to the above link to learn 12 things she wishes you’d do to her in bed)
- Don’t eat at least 2 hours before sex.
Because you want the blood in your penis and not in your digestion tract.
You mother didn’t give a birth to someone’s bitch but to a free and self-confident man, who walks his own path, knowing that nothing is certain anyway.
- Self-reflect for a while and admit your most hidden sexual preferences.
Do you like her on top for the most of the times? Like her being the one who leads?
The only reason why you are aren’t already in a hardcore BDSM is because you are afraid to open those doors (refer to the link to learn how to slowly introduce BDSM into your bedroom).
You would be surprised how many men suffer from the erectile dysfunction just because they are not being honest about what they expect and desire in sex.
In simple words, our ability to satisfy our immediate sexual desires determines the overall satisfaction with our sex life.
- Stop masturbating that often; particularly on the day you are expecting to have sex.
You want to leave something for the real thing, don’t you? After all, we are not that young anymore.
- Use pornography and your mirror neurons as allies.
Watch a porn action every morning for a couple of minutes but don’t touch yourself. Go through the day horny and aggressive and you’ll see the improvement rather fast.
- MOVE!
The human body — men in particular — is a display of one of the most advanced and powerful designs of Mother Nature. Huge lungs, long arms and legs, opposable thumbs, advanced brain. An ultimate killing machine.
You really don’t want something like that sitting around all day long.
Remember: if an external stimulus, such as pornography or another woman gets you a boner, it’s not medical thus, you must change something in your daily routines or in the way you are perceiving the life. Viagra just won’t help you.
Reference:
[1] RA Moore, JE Edwards, and HJ McQuay, Sildenafil (Viagra) for male erectile dysfunction: a meta-analysis of clinical trial reports, 2002, online publication
