Ballz Magazine
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4 Types of Sex in Every Relationship

There are only 4 types of sex in yours, mine and everyone else’s long-lasting relationship. Each type indicates a certain phase of the marriage (1-4). From the moments of raw passion and ultimate happiness to the phase where divorce seems imminent and inevitable.

The problem is with the last one. When it starts happening, it presents the breaking point of the relationship. You’ll either make the loopback or split up.

Sex Type 1 – The “Smurf sex”

types of sex smurf sex
It’s freakin’ exhausting but you keep doing it like there’s no tomorrow. Good times 🙂

It’s that type of sex when you’ve just met someone. You’re doing it all over the freakin’ place, several times per day without even being picky about the spot – until both of you turn blue.

Sex Type 2 – The “Kitchen sex”

types of sex kitchen sex
On the counter, under the counter, on the table, under the table. Whenever 🙂

You’re together from only recently but horny as fuck nonetheless. So you’re doing it anytime, anyhow and anywhere, including but not limited to the – kitchen table or counter.

“Kitchen sex” still represents the good times. You are getting to know each other and it’s clear that you’ve “clicked.” Now you’re exploiting the raw sexual energy even if it means getting caught by someone or serving the lunch with the pubic hair in it.

Sex Type 3 – The “Bed sex”

types of sex bed sex
When life gets in the way…

You’re with your partner for some time now. Life got in a way. Children are roaming all around the fucking place and the only hideout where you can have sex with your wife is a king size “babymaker” in your bedroom.

The negative consequence of this practice is the soon to occur routine. Sex becomes a bit dull and it seems that you’ve been doing the same thing over and over again. Both of you are asking the same question: where are all those good times gone?

And as the time goes by, we are coming to…

Sex Type 4 – The “Hallway sex”

types of sex hallway sex
When occasional “Fuck you!” is the closest thing to sex.

You’re too freakin’ long with your partner that it becomes annoying sometimes. You often meet in a hallway and greet each other with a simple: “Fuck you.”

And this is where things will go for the better or for the worse. It’s the breaking point of every relationship.

The entire shit is caused by one single thing you would never think to be an issue: poor sex life for both you and your wife.

It has nothing to do with kids, careers, her mother, your belly or whatever you two are firing at each other when things heat up. It’s about sex! It always has been and it always will be.

How to loop back to the Sex Type 2, the “Kitchen Sex”?

Because this is what you wanna do. Both of you. Either you’ll make it happen or someone else will. So the best thing to do is to engage in a marathon of talks.

There’s a problem somewhere. One of you is getting too distracted or maybe spending too much energy on the career-related stuff. It can even be the fact that you forgot what turns you on – both of you.

She may even start trying some new stuff but you won’t respond to it which will make her even more dissatisfied and mad. She’s pissed because it’s clear to her that her marriage is breaking apart and that she’s simply clueless about how to fix it. Neither of you wants the breakup but it’s coming if you don’t change something.

What you should do is to go back in the past and explore your sex life back then.

Remember what turned both of you during the sex type 2 and see if there’s any pattern. It may just be that you are the one who’s been forcing some stuff from the porns or the sex type 1 which, in all reality, won’t fly.

If I may suggest something, please. Remember, I’ve been there, done that, and worked things out. And this is one way to do it:

  • Stop watching porns and stop jerking off for two weeks. Make sure she knows that.
  • In the same time, do some time management.
  • Finally, re-think your priorities. Men tend to wander off in the later stage of the marriage because they became obsessed with the career and some plans to improve financial status.

Women don’t see it that way. They see it as a problem. So it’s just the matter of balance. Reduce the working hours and spend more time talking with her (not to her).

After a week or two, you two will discover what went wrong and spend 24 hours fucking each other’s brain out. It will completely rejuvenate your relationship and it will seem like you’re starting from sex type 2 again.

Of course, this is just a suggestion. Feel free to experiment. Remember: jumping in other woman’s bed probably won’t solve shit. You’ll just end up with another problem. Even if it works out with that other woman and you decide to start all over again, sooner or later, you’ll again reach the sex type 4 and have to deal with it anyway.

The question is: do you really want to start from the scratch?

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