Why role-playing sometimes doesn’t work
Role-playing is often a recommended form of therapy for couples whose sex life literally died, but as you will see that it doesn’t work for everyone. Role-playing can, in fact, induce additional problems in a relationship so you have to be very cautious about it.
Role-playing mimics sex experience with the stranger, but…
In general, the whole point of role-playing is to trick our mirror neurons and create an illusion that we are engaging in sexual games with the strange woman/man. The game itself has one simple goal: to trigger the level of passion we feel when we end up in a storage room or closed office with someone we find extremely hot.
However, it doesn’t work like a charm for anyone. For some, it will cause counter-effect and limb dick, and there’s a perfectly logical explanation for that.
We bond under the influence of oxytocin
Depending on its intensity in both brains, and most likely the optimal cross-matching of general characteristics of each individual, relationship can be:
- semi-deep, and
- extremely deep.
90% of all relationships fall into the first two categories. These are couples who are capable of surviving long-term separations, with or without occasional cheating. For them, role-playing is definitely a good option because they are not spending that much time together.
For those in extremely deep relationships, who have been married for more than a decade and still feel deeply in love, regardless of severe occasional fights, role-playing should not be the fix of the choice. At least not something to force into your sex life.
The extremely deep relationship is defined by the level of mutual intensity that can be manifested through reluctance of both partners to accept any longer form of separation. Their relationship lasts ONLY if they are close to each other. These are highly sexual beings and sex plays a predominant role in their lives.
But that specific attachment causes entirely new problem
It’s inevitable for the woman to start rejecting her man more frequently as time goes by and it’s doesn’t have to do with her alone. Husbands tend to relax too much, grow bellies and pretty much disgusting habits – things they didn’t normally practice at the beginning of the relationship. Add kids to the equation and it’s easy to understand why the wife’s sex drive is not optimal – to say the least.
However, she will be easily turned on by some stranger she finds attractive.
So, it would be easy to assume that role playing should fix the issue.
It won’t. At least not that easy.
Because, over the course of time, you developed a habit. In other words, you are expecting particular kind of behavior – both negative and positive – and every deviation from expected, may backfire.
In most of the cases, her cunt is perceived as a hostile element because of all those rejections. You simply don’t see her ass and her cunt as a viable option for sex, but rather as something that will bite you.
In other words: 1) you get used and comfortable with a person; therefore 2) you created a habit; so 3) the scene creates a shock. As a result, you can’t get it up and she falls deeper into a state of depression, thinking how you don’t find her attractive anymore.
This mostly goes for the periods when you are under heavy pressure and frequently overstressed.
The scenario repeats itself…
Last time you two had sex, something wasn’t entirely right because your dick didn’t achieve the desired stiffness. In reality, it has to do with stress, the fact that you jerked off that same morning and the fact that 70% of your brain is expecting rejection or bitching.
She, however, doesn’t see it that way. No matter how many times she was the one who “wasn’t in the mood,” that one time you failed will stick and be emphasized.
Of course, next time you try, your mind will start assuming her thoughts: “Will he be able to get it up this time? Will he be and stay stiff until the end? Will he come this time?” Add lack of endurance and oxygen deprivation, and your dick goes fluffy in nanosecond.
Your wife, therefore, is now creating one particular scenario in her head – you are screwing someone else.
After a while, and gazillion of blogs, she’ll realize how that might not be the case. It’s about you getting too used to her. You simply don’t find her attractive and sensual enough anymore, so you can’t get your hard on. Even if you do, it won’t last for long and sex with the limp dick is not sex – it’s the ultimate insult for women.
So one day, she might surprise you. You’ll come home, exhausted to make things worse, and there she is, wearing some sexy lingerie.
Here’s the problem.
If you are the active partner in sex, meaning that she commonly expects you to turn her on rather than the other way around, you simply don’t expect her to behave like this.
It’s connected with another trait of deeply connected couples.
Their secret lies in the fact that they are both enjoying sex with each other. Both of them are highly sexual beings who used to fuck 3-4 times a day in the beginning of the relationship, and that intensity remained for a much longer period than it’s common.
Nowadays, 1-2 times each month these two are like a fresh couple, still exploring one another. The Passion hasn’t faded away, no matter how much time passed by. Her orgasm is still intense and loud, like it’s used to be.
In other words, you expect her to enjoy the sex, and not to fake it just to make you happy. When you recognize the acting signs, you’ll pull the plug and stop everything, probably leaving the scene pissed and disappointed.
And that’s why role-playing might not work for you.
Deep down you know that she’s forcing herself and that simply doesn’t work for you.
The solution is simple
First, consider adapting role-playing to mimic the usual behavior, no matter how strange that sounds to you. In other words, it’s you who should appear in front of her wearing some working outfit or whatever it is that turns her on. Or the other way around.
It basically all depends on who’s predominantly active, but it’s usually the man.
Again, this goes only for those who are deeply bonded, over the longer period of time, and simply don’t like faking of any kind. You are in for sincerity and passion, that’s all.
Second, if you fall in that group of men that some might call “cavemen” or “primitive,” you only need her to leave the socks on and most importantly, her pants under the knees. You are just that type who takes charge every time and keep things under the control. You lead. In dance. In sex. And you have nothing against getting down on her even though she’s not fresh from the shower, if you know what I mean.
The reason is simple: you are mostly turned on by so-called “instinctive sex” or the event where nothing is planned or premeditated. It just happens. So just don’t let her undress completely and you two will be fine. Because she’s the woman who lives her life under the strong influence of her most primitive instincts.
If that’s the case, you really don’t need role-playing.
You need your privacy and careful preparation of the ground, meaning that when you want to have sex with her – real, hard, passionate sex – you need to create just the right environment, in just the right moment.
Don’t be impatient. Read the signs.
Even better, install the app that will track her periods. You are an experienced man who knows his woman so you know when are the most optimal moments to have her like a caveman! This simple app proved itself as the most powerful cheat to recognize the best time to “get some.”
In case you are not sure, that would be a day or two before her menstrual cycle and third or fourth day of menstruation. And somewhere in between two cycles. It’s the most common “I’m-hot-and-ready” schedule for the majority of women driven by their most primitive instincts.
We are talking about the type of a woman who simply must be in a center of everything and lead the way during the daytime. In bed, however, she expects her man to lead and handle her like a puppet.
If you two are like that, forget about role-playing. Take a day off, change the environment (take her somewhere) and fuck each other’s brains out!