Grow Your BALLZ

The Art of MURDER – part 1 – How to commit the perfect murder

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Murder is the only true art of the human race, with only one question left unanswered: How to commit the perfect one? Join us in this groundbreaking and controversial series where we are examining and explaining the art of the murder – the only true art our species has developed and led to perfection.

Forensic experts, and detectives specialized in homicides, are taking us deep into the mind of the perfect human predator – the man capable of committing the perfect murder.

Why we kill?

First, a question. Do you or do you not support the spending of millions of dollars and all that manpower into preservation of the planet’s fearsome predators such as lions, tigers and alike?

The reason why we’re asking is because we find it ridiculous that our species has spent thousands of years, eliminating the competition and the real physical threat just so that few modern age false “moralists” could bring us back to square one. Do you see the irony?

Never mind, maybe that’s just us.

Nevertheless, it leads us to the #1 reason for killing – food.

Why does tiger kill? Or a lion? Or hyenas? Food. Plain and simple.

Why else?


Yes, of course, to defend their weak.

They are also defending themselves by eliminating the competition so they could maintain a rich source of supplies. That’s the #2 reason why we, the humans, or them, the lions, kill.

So far, we can draw the line between Joe in Texas, who’s passionate about shooting deer and Fred the mountain lion, who’s targeting that same deer.

But, what happens if Joe becomes too focused on the deer and misses to notice how Fred is sneaking behind his back?

Yes, you’re right, Joe turns from predator to food. Not a pleasant death as we can hear from all those testimonies of the people who got attacked by a cougar.

However, if Joe removes the cougar from the equation, he’s not only safe, but he doesn’t have to worry about the damn cat snatching the deer right in front of his nose.

Again, Joe and Fred are thinking the same.

Still, there’s something about Joe that Fred just can’t wrap his head around.

You see, not so long ago, Joe came back from the battlefield. He spent 2 years in Afghanistan where he, along with his 415 buddies, successfully killed close to 10,000 indigenous Taliban insurgents. It didn’t take too much time for Joe and his crew to wipe out the population of a small town. And he didn’t even see each kill. That’s how advanced our killing techniques are compared to Fred’s.

When you think about it, the human race, no matter how dreadful or cold, this may sound, didn’t even “feel” such a loss. In Fred’s world, that number would mean the extermination of every single member of the cougar species.

Yet, humans just grew in numbers since that massive killing event in Afghanistan.

How do you explain that?

Advanced brain?

Yeah, but why it got so advanced in the first place? Why not lion’s brain or hyenas’?

There was something about that half-straight ape that was wandering across the African plains million years ago.

 He was the first living thing on this planet that enjoyed killing just for the sake of the kill!

The only species that does something similar, that actually kills for no good reason at all, are the wolves in these modern times. Although, it seems that they are slaying sheep and cows to teach their offspring the art of killing.

Things are slightly different when a wolf slays a dog. When that happens, the wolf falls into some kind of a trance, like Janice Joplin used to when on acid. It seems that the big bad wolf takes special pleasure in killing the competition. Something we humans also like to do.

But, the big bad wolf is an innocent baby compared to Joe and every other human being for that matter.

When Joe kills, he may or may not feel the pleasure. He might even feel certain discomfort. Something Fred the cougar can’t understand.

What separates Joe from Fred the cougar or Billy the wolf is that in most of the cases, Joe isn’t really sure why he killed in the first place.

Billy takes the acid trip every time he dares to attack and kill a dog. Fred kills from the pure need to provide and/or protect.

Joe fires his weapon in an attempt to make the kill because someone told him to!

Now, to understand how to commit a perfect murder, you have to understand how our species came to the point where I can issue a kill order to you and go to sleep knowing that you’ll execute it or die trying.

Moving from a simple need to kill, to killing for sport.

Have you read the Bible?

Even if you haven’t had the chance or the will to do it (you should by the way because it is the most wonderful story of the humankind ever told), you must’ve heard of one particular mortal sin – the infamous GREED.

Yeah…you heard about that, right?

What’s ‘greed’ according to the Bible?

In short, wanting (not necessarily having) more than you really need.

Now, how much do we need?

A schnitzel? Or the entire ham? What do you think? Do you feel that we should have someone prescribing the “doses”?

Of course not.

The greed, as it is explained through the Bible, is an effort to eliminate the sense of guilt from those who couldn’t provide for their families. It has been just a blatant attempt to remove the feeling of shame, while gathering the crowd. A brilliant marketing method nevertheless because it worked.

In a same manner, we have the institute or the command of ‘fasting’.

They, the church, knew that the vast majority can’t afford or can’t get their hands on the piece of meat so to help them out psychologically, they said that the Lord Almighty demands certain simple self-sacrifice. Once or twice a week, you are not supposed to eat meat.

But you know humans…

It didn’t take long for the corrupt few to exploit, what originally was, a good move. They started pushing against the “greedy individuals.” Shortly after, the original premise had changed into: “If you are in possession of something, anything, give it to that nice gentleman in black who wears the cross with the dead man on it or else you’ll burn in the eternal fire!

A couple of years later, we got Vatican.

OK, we trust that you understand that we used the Bible and Vatican as the best example, because the entire deal with the greed started tens of thousands of years before the very first idea of Christianity.

The greed has its origins in the feeling of envy that had led us to being the only species this planet had ever seen to kill for non-survival reasons!

Already at first Homo sapiens, one particular trait started emerging that will give birth to phrases such as “humane killing” or “mercy shot” that we love to use.

The Homo sapiens was probably the first advanced organism on this planet that was capable and ready to kill just to have something someone else is having. And that something doesn’t necessarily have to be good or the shelter, like it is the case with the rest of the predators on this planet.

Envy, just like jealousy, developed the regions in our brains perfectly capable of committing the ultimate act of violence for no good reason.

You see, our arms are only tools. It’s our minds that do the job. We kill with our brains and those brains are more dangerous than many are willing to accept or admit.

It explains why we have such a large number of violent crimes in 21st century. People are idealizing the society and that’s the worst mistake you can make. Because, you can put a $5K Armani suit on a wolf. That won’t change the fact that now the trendy wolf will kill you if he gets the chance.

It only gets worse if you put the Armani on the human being.

Picture the average gang member. How many people can he kill during a one-year period? About 30 before they fry his ass.

But what happens if that gang member moves out from da hood and enters high politics? In other words, how many can he execute now when he wears Armani and works in government?



Why not!

And that “WHY NOT!” is something to keep in mind. That’s the reason why it’s dangerous to idealize our society because it is constituted of and governed by the planet’s most brutal killers!

It’s also the Perfect Murder type A, or the opportunity given to the human being, by the human beings, to legally exterminate the entire nations with any mean necessary and wrap it in a package that says “For the greater good.”

The good example is allied bombing of Dresden. According to Wikipedia, in four raids between 13 and 15 February 1945, 722 heavy bombers of the British Royal Air Force (RAF) and 527 of the United States Army Air Forces (USAAF) dropped more than 3,900 tons of high-explosive bombs and incendiary devices on the city. The bombing and the resulting firestorm destroyed over 1,600 acres (6.5 km2) of the city center. An estimated 22,700 to 25,000 people were killed (the actual body count is far bigger but the winner writes the history, so…).

But that’s not something we’ll be dealing with here. That’s about power. Lions and wolves are doing the same. They are obliterating the enemy packs on first sight, same as we do.

We want to know more about the “Perfect Murder type B,” don’t we?

Yes. You want to find out if burying someone in the ground will keep you out of the prison system. Or, in other words, how to kill someone without leaving the single trace of evidence that could lead the justice department directly to you.




There are two distinct problems with committing the trace-free murder.

One, it cannot be done. Two, there’s always “WHY.”

What does that mean?

If you take the high-power sniper rifle and take a 1000-yard headshot, you left the trace. If nothing else, there’s the bullet and the body.

You see, forensics (real ones, not Horatio and alike) work their way back when they come to the crime scene in one particular way. It’s the set of protocols and procedures you won’t see in all those crime shows.

That bullet has its history. Someone made it. Someone sold it. Someone bought it. It doesn’t work any other way. So there is a hot trace between the piece of the metal that’s been used in the making of the bullet and you, the shooter. Horatio would bust your ass the very next morning.

However, it is possible to fuck up the purchase chain to the extent where not even the legendary Poirot, let alone Horatio, could find the link.

But, now comes the “WHY.”

In 100% of all cases (common murders), there’s always the “WHY.” It’s causal relationship of the things. Even if you didn’t mean to kill someone, or you are not even aware of the event, there’s something in that chain of the events that has led to the act of violence. There’s “WHY.”

So, the logical premise is to remove the WHY and that’s it, right?

Yeah, only, there’s a problem with that approach.

If you remove the WHY, the murder itself will not occur.

As a human being, you need the reason! It’s that simple. You simply cannot remove the WHY.

Now you are thinking, “OK, there’s no such thing as the Perfect Murder type B. These guys are just yankin’ my chain.

Well, not exactly. You are forgetting about the existence of the Perfect Murder type A. If it exists, it can therefore be adjusted to fit the needs of the ordinary people; the general population. We are humans after all. Ergo, we are ingenious.

In other words, you need something else, also proudly invented by us, the humans, and that’s the “Just Cause” or one specific doctrine humankind came up with to justify the ultimate act of violence against the other member of the species.

Act of self-defense for instance is the Perfect Murder type A, subtype 1. Extreme necessity also falls in the subtype 1. You can kill 1923 people if you were 1924th member of that group and there was a legit reason that forced you to kill ‘em all just to save that one life – you.

You see, the institute of the “extreme necessity” exists if the damage that has been done by the act of violence is smaller (less severe) than the threatening or possible danger. For example, 5 guys end up hanging from the single rope on K2 and the leader makes the educated guess how the rope won’t hold them all. So he cut the rope beneath his ass and send the 4 guys in the abyss. It’s a legit mass murder because if he wouldn’t have done that, all 5 would end up dead. Damage that occurred is smaller than the damage that threatened. Therefore, he wouldn’t be charged with murder.

The problem is obvious: it takes a brilliant mind to set up the chain of events and the entire scene to appear like the Perfect Murder type A, subtype 1.

And it doesn’t matter if it’s self-defense or extreme necessity. Just go over the couple of Agatha Christy’s crime novels and you’ll see the sheer size of the possible scenarios where she made her best to over-complicate each case, falsely presenting them as self-defense of extreme necessity. Poirot somehow always managed to smell the bullshit and pinpoint the culprit.

If Madam Christy couldn’t do it, and she is, without a doubt, one of the most brilliant criminal minds ever, what are the odds that our average Joe manages to pull something like that?

Slim, to say the least. Most likely, our Joe will end up in prison, being someone’s bitch.

Yet, it’s still the best approach in committing the Perfect Murder.

For the sake of our argument, let’s imagine the following scenario:

Frank, the guy you’ve never met before, pops unannounced and show you the video of you banging the brains out of some 16-year-old girl you met in the club. The whole thing was staged so they could extort money from you.

If you don’t pay $1,000,000 in next 48 hours, the video goes public and your wife will be the first who will get the note about its existence. To make things worse, recently, you managed to gather a pretty large crowd around you, since you became the local pastor of choice for the entire town.

Stakes are, therefore, almost unimaginable. And don’t forget that this is a real-life example.


Now, the first thought, in anyone’s mind, even the pastor’s, is to eliminate the threat – to kill the motherfucker. It doesn’t matter if you are a construction worker or the man of God.

It is the simplest solution when you think about it so even the Occam’s razor applies (all things being equal, the simplest answer tends to be the right one).

How would you do it (we know how our beloved pastor did it by the way)?

Would you track the bastard and kill his ass before the deadline or would you wait for the exchange to take place?

To simplify things, let’s assume that with the fucker once out of the picture (dead), the video is gone too, OK? Not something that applies in the real case but still…

And, let’s say that you somehow acquired the dude’s personal data. You know where Frank lives and where he moves, which makes him a pretty easy target. This applies to the actual case.

He relies on a fact that the ordinary people, priests in particular, are not likely to commit the murder so he feels safe.

He’s wrong though. There’s no difference between you, the pastor, and Joe, the professional hitman. All of you have that same instinct of the killer. And that gives you an edge. You can take the scumbag Frank by surprise because he’s expecting cops; not you in the hoodie aiming the gun at him.


Let’s not waste your time. It’s impossible to take him out without the trace and this is where many had made mistake, including our pastor.

They wrongly believed how they can solve the similar situation by killing the guy like Frank, burying his body in the woods, and continuing with their lives. There are simply too many variables to handle so it’s best to report the fucker and face the consequences of your less severe deeds. After all, it’s better to end up divorced and find a new career than to end up in prison for life or worse (Frank was also armed, you know, and that was something our pastor failed to consider as the variable).


Although, if you really think that you can handle this scenario without ending up in jail, we would like to hear it. Let’s say that $1,000 will land to your bank account if we fail to show the inconsistency in your plan that will eventually lead the detectives to your doorstep. We like the good challenge and so should you.

We’ll show you why we are so sure that you can’t handle the scenario.

The most imminent problem that you can’t solve in the scenario above is the existence of the partner. In pastor’s case, that’s the girl who’s working with Frank. She knows.

In most of the scenarios, there’s someone else who knows the details and there’s a high chance that you are not aware of who that person is.

In this case, however, you do know the second name. Should you kill both of them?

Again, it would be the simplest solution. On the other hand, the fact that you wasted both of them increases the chance that the law enforcement will track you down. And it’s exponential increase of the odds.


Another problem is the surveillance system. Every urban area has one so it’s easy to work backwards within the timeframes given by the ME (medical examiner). He or she can pinpoint the time of death plus-minus couple of hours if the bodies are discovered with at least some decomposing flesh on the bones. One thing will lead to another, as it’s usually the case, and detectives will eventually come knocking on your door.


What if you hide the bodies so no one can find them for at least a year?


First, it’s hard to do it. Factor X comes to play or the everlasting desire of the Universe to keep things balanced. Most likely, some animal will dig out the corpses and expose them to the eyes of the joggers. Case closed!

The only way to prevent that is to dig deep. Couple of yards deep. Which presents with entirely different set of problems like the time that it takes to dig the hole, place the bodies and put the soil back.



Where will you acquire the needed quantity? Even if you manage to do so without the trace, where will you “melt” the bodies because the process produces toxic fumes and extremely powerful odor that can be smelled from the mile away.



It takes temperature of over 2000°C to completely incinerate the human body and it takes time for the body to turn into ashes. It’s highly unlikely that you have the needed resources. And if you do, you are a suspect!


Deep water?

Perhaps. But sharks could really screw you up by taking a bite or two and sending the piece of clothes or body parts up to the surface, right in front of the fishing boat. Factor X all over again.

It may work though, but you would have to sail to the middle of the ocean after learning everything about the local currents and hydrodynamics. Again, too many ways for someone to spot you and recognize your intention even if you manage to drop the bodies loaded with heavy weights.


And this is already a disposal process that we are talking about here. Before it happens, you would have to waste two people. It’s not about the will or the guts. We all have both.

It’s about doing it without:

  1. A) being spotted,
  2. B) being connected to their deaths.


Here lies the partial answer to the quest.

We could say, under the assumption that there are no contact traces on you and your belongings, that if nobody sees you and nobody connects you with the murders, you have committed the Perfect Murder type B.

Easier said than done, right?

Remember the DC Sniper case? Dude was randomly selecting his targets, which made investigation that much harder since the WHY wasn’t so clear to the investigators.

But that’s special kind of pathological behavior in play here. A seriously disturbed mind. Here, we are talking about the cold blooded murder of a person known to the killer – even if the killer is using the contractor (in which case, the contractor is a considered as the murder weapon), and getting away with it.

What’s the secret?

Is it the “Patience Factor”? As you will see, the one who’s patient enough, can really mess up the investigation because it takes a deeper look at the history to dig out the motive.

The most common reason why men waste other men.

Do you think it’s wise to end up imprisoned and leave your kids at the mercy of the unknown just because you wanna “set the record straight” with your wife’s lover?

Does he deserve to die? Perhaps. But then again, you have to ask yourself why did she “slip” in the first place? Is it you? What are the guarantees that your new wife won’t do the same since it’s clear that you didn’t do something right the first time.

The “lover” scenario is the most common reason why a man would premeditatedly kill another man and try to hide it.


The first question must always be: IS IT WORTH IT?


During my time on academy, the professor who was teaching us different aspects of crime investigation asked an interesting question:

You see the guy running from the bank with the bag full of money. He just committed an armed robbery. Around $2M is in that black bag. Would you shoot him down in case you can’t catch him?

My answer was simple: NO.

Nobody deserves to die because of money alone. Nobody deserves to die because of sex either. Maybe he does in some sense, but you sure as hell don’t deserve to spend even a day behind bars just because your wife couldn’t control herself.

Think about that because I know you had and most likely have a target or two. You already daydreamt and planned the perfect murder of some guy who got too close to your wife. It’s a natural instinct. Protection of your most sacred ground.

Don’t do it. That’s all I’m saying. You’ll regret it and it won’t change the fact that she cheated on you. Sooner or later you’ll be connected with the disappearance or the body itself and then your ass is fried.


Like the case where the 44-year-old husband killed wife’s lover 2 years after he found out about the adultery. It was definition of being patient.

Guy intercepted communication between these two, using monitoring software that he installed on wife’s mobile earlier. He then confronted her, she spilled her gut out, broke up with the lover was over and they continued with their lives, happily ever after.

All that time, the husband was planning the perfect murder.

He knew that if he let some time pass by, it would be difficult for the investigators to link him with the victim.

The one thing that played in his favor was the fact that wife didn’t share the details of her adultery with anyone so nobody knew.

Exactly 2 years after she came clean and broke up with her lover, husband stole the car, drove 100 miles, parked the car near the home of the wife’s former lover and waited for the guy to come out. It was cloudy, autumn night and at 21:35, he got out of the vehicle, after spotting the target getting out of the house to walk family Maltese. At 21:40, he put two bullets in guy’s chest and took his wallet, necklace and wristwatch, making it look like a classic robbery.

Husband then got back to the car, drove to the parking lot a mile away from the scene, where he left another stolen car, and simply drove his ass back home.

Wife was away with kids so nobody knew he was gone. He went so far with the planning that he even acquired the bot software to mimic his presence on social networks. It was like he was chatting all that time. A perfect alibi.

But, even the best plans tend to go to hell due to small oversight of seemingly irrelevant detail. Add two persistent and devoted detectives and you have a case against the pissed husband, 6 months later. And no, it wasn’t the wife who tipped the cops.

It was special marking on the shell found at the scene that has led the investigators to another country to find who purchased the bullets. You see, there are things people do with ammo and weapons, only experts know about. You can’t simply Google it.

Other than that small detail, he planned everything to perfection and stayed extremely patient all that time.

As he admitted during the interview, his original idea was to make it look like a natural death.


Is it possible to stage the “natural death” at the perfectly healthy human being, like they are presenting it in thrillers? Because, if that would be possible, it would be definition of the Perfect Murder.

To find out, continue to the Part 2 of the series.



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