We’ve all been in a relationship that seems wildly passionate and intense in the beginning; you can’t keep your hands off of each other and it seems like you spend more time between the sheets than anywhere else in the house. For most couples, the sensation of having this intense connection is powerful – but somewhere down the line, it seems to distance off and before you know it, you’re only getting some once a week (if that!)
Having an unsatisfactory sex life can put an emotional strain on an otherwise successful relationship. That’s because feelings of resentment and hurt can start to form – even if it’s on a subconscious level. If you’re not happy with your time between the sheets, it’s critical to open the doors of communication and attempt to fix the issues. If talking doesn’t seem to work (or you both end up hurt or embarrassed) make sure you give things another attempt in the future. If you’re not sure how to bring up the discussion, then consider trying the following tips below. This way, you’ll have new information, ideas and methods to improving everything that’s bedroom material, before you throw in the towel on an otherwise fabulous relationship.
To help you get started, follow these nine tips to help you improve your sex life instantly.
Learn how to laugh together
Sex needs to be a fun, entertaining experience (after all, if it wasn’t we wouldn’t enjoy it as much)—but for many, taking things too seriously can affect the mood and the overall satisfaction levels of both partners.
Think back to the last time that something went horribly wrong in the bedroom; you’ll find it pretty funny thinking about when you fell out of the shower instead of switching places. Remember to bring the same laughter into the exact moment it’s happening and stop taking things so seriously. If something unexpected happens while you’re fooling around, laugh.
Seriously. It will get rid of any tension or stress about performing poorly and help you reconnect as a couple.
Switch up the scenery
When we’ve been with someone for a long period of time, routines start to form that can cause a lull in the enjoyment receptors of our brain.
The result? A blah feeling after the even the best round between the sheets. Make sure to take the time and switch up your locations ever once in a while. Whether you decide to get it on in a church parking lot or a new hotel room – taboo sex can often be that spark you need to reignite your flame.
Make sure you talk to your partner about different areas you’d like to try and set a goal to accomplish at least two per month until you’re done the list. Once the list is finished, sit down together and write down your favorite spots to attempt again (or new ones you’d still like to try). If your partner has reservations about taboo locations, try thinking of less risky options in the beginning and building out from there.
Turn off your brain—and hers
One of the biggest reasons your sex life may have been dwindling isn’t a sexual attraction, it’s the brain’s inability to turn off during sex. Think of everything you have going on in life; bills, house, stress, work – these can all play a major impact in our performance and also our enjoyment.
It’s the same reason we toss and turn at night, without being able to settle and relax. The next time you’re trying to get her into the mood, take a few minutes to address any issues she’s having and help her unwind too. Make a deal to turn off the brains and just focus on the physical moment between you.
Men and women are hard-wired differently, which can obviously cause some tension in a relationship when one just isn’t feeling in the mood.
For most men, a simple question of wanting to have sex can bring the most tired dick to attention – but women tend to need more than that. Take a few moments to bring her to attention, in ways you know work well for her. If you’re not sure, start by making her a romantic dinner with a few glasses of wine, an erotic massage and gentle kisses over her body before you start plowing her hard.
Remember you’re not a porn star
For many men, the inability to understand what they see in a movie isn’t how it works in reality can be a tough one to overcome, especially when you just want to prove how good you can be in bed – but try to understand that you’re not auditioning for a part. Women enjoy a consistent repetition, which can change the stimulation she’s currently feeling. For instance, if you’re going down on her and gently rubbing your tongue in circles, then switch abruptly to flicking – it’s going to cause her to start all over again. The same goes with sex. While it’s obviously okay to switch it up every once in a while, try to limit yourself to 3-4 position during a 40-minute session.
Slow down and enjoy the moment
You’ve just gotten in to it and suddenly you’re wanting to thrust into her as hard as you can – but why rush something that can be enjoyed longer. Unless you’re having a quickie in the bathroom, take a few moments to truly appreciate what’s happening around you. Take a moment to smell her hair, play and massage her tits like they’re the best things you’ve seen – get her so wet that she’s practically begging you to pound her hard. Once she’s there, enter her slowly and feel her pussy stretch around you. Women love feeling a hard cock inside them – just as much as you enjoy the tightness.
Get things slippery down south
With nearly one third of all young women reporting vaginal dryness, it’s important to make sure she’s wet before you initiate sex. A good rule of thumb, if you can’t visibly see any wetness between her lips, reach for a bottle of lube to help her out.
Lube can help women achieve a higher level of satisfaction in the bedroom, thanks to the wetness alleviating any friction which can be quite painful or uncomfortable. Make sure you try out a few different types to find one that can keep things slippery down there, without needing to reapply all the time (as that can be quite the distraction.)
Find new places for her
Much like we need to switch up the location, switch up your routine in the bedroom too. Make sure that you’re spending the time trying to rediscover her body before you get down to business. Pretend for the first hour that her breasts and nether region don’t exist and try to get her so turned on she’s almost begging you for it. Women tend to have a wide array of erogenous zones, from feet to their hands and everywhere in between.
If you’ve already found a few, try to add on a few more before heading south. Women love having sex delayed, even if they have a high sex drive. For some, the desire to simply get down to it can be so overwhelming she may take matters into her own hands. For others, hearing her beg for a hard shaft can drive you over the edge.
Talk openly about your concerns or issues
Keep in mind that sex is meant to be fun; you should never feel like you’re pressuring someone, upsetting someone or hurting someone in the way you approach the topic. Take any conversations in a positive tone, focusing on the good and the exciting ideas you have instead of the negatives in the relationship. If something is occurring in the bedroom that you don’t like (aside from anything physical or emotional), suggest a different way to do it, instead of hurting their feelings.
For instance, if you happen to hate the way she pulls on your balls during sex, give her a few suggestions on what you really like – instead of telling her you don’t like the pulling. By switching the topic into something you’d like to try or something you’d enjoy more, you’ll be less likely to embarrass her in the bedroom (which is never a nice feeling).
While these are just nine different ways to improve your sex life instantly, there are literally hundreds of new ideas and concepts that can help bring your bedroom repertoire to the next level. It’s important to remember that while these are well meaning suggestions, it’s not going to work for everyone – so feel free to manipulate what you’ve learned to fit your personal goals. For some, trying to get between the sheets more often can be as simple as committing to doing it at least twice a week and trying to increase it from there. For others, having an open conversation to see what each other is happy with can be a real eye opener.