Grow Your BALLZ

What To Do If You Feel Torn Apart?

Written by Mark Novicki

Do you sometimes feel Torn apart  – between what you want and what you are expected to do/be? Between what you feel and what you think you should do. The choice that can become the nightmare. It can pull you down in a dangerous state of mind where all bets are off. It’s not rare for men to drop too deep and decide to end the nightmare with a bullet or a rope around the neck. At the end, it was yet another choice they had every right to make.

The choice, as much as we think it’s good, is that one thing that has been killing you. And that’s where our first stop must be in finding the solution.

The network in your brain is not fond of making a choice

Because “choice” signals dissonance in your neuronal network. It occurs in a situation where, at the same moment, you are holding two thoughts of the same weight/value. And that’s against your very nature as a human being. You are wired to be decisive, with a strong central belief system.

The only thing you can do to bring things in order – back into resonance – is the power of will. Hence, you have to force yourself into something you don’t find easy or appealing. Because, it’s been in the very nature of the choice to be hard and least appealing.

It’s like being on a diet and opening up the fridge. It’s the habit, that’s been driving you to that door. So now you have a choice. (1) Your brain is screaming for the easiest solution. To take a snack and feel that dopamine effect at least for a while. But after you eat it, you feel depressed because you feel ashamed of your weakness. That means the complete absence of yet another reward chemical – serotonin.

(2)Close the fridge door and just say no, and you’ll feel good about yourself, no matter how pissed you might be.

This is the most common example of what choice can do to a man. How it can affect the functionality of the neuronal network.

What has been tearing you apart?

You are fine with what you have, because deep down you know how things can get much worse. It’s clear to you that just by being able to sleep under the roof of a more or less solid building, you fall into the upper 30% of the population. Why not enjoying the life and do what you want, right?

But there’s that little devil in your head that just won’t let it go.

According to the standards of our contemporary matrix, a successful man is not defined by his ability to keep his family fed and safe under a simple roof, like it was in the past. Success is not anymore determined by the amount of food you have in your fridge anymore or your superior hunting skills.

In your own eyes, you are a borderline failure because wherever you look, someone is driving a brand new BMW. Wherever you go, you see mansions with pools. Every time you turn on your TV there’s that same scene of rich men playing golf.

And you? You work some dull, useless 9-5 that hardly brings enough to pay for everything.And your Wife is forced to collect coupons.

Deep down you know that she’s resenting you. You turned out to be a bitter disappointment.

Nevertheless, there’s only one thing you would like to do right now and that’s kicking back in a chair with a beer in one hand and a remote in another. That’s what you feel like doing.

Things we mentioned before, being things you think you should do. You think that you should somehow find a way to bring millions to your home each month like millions of other men.

Well, guess what?


Deadly, because if you continue down that road, you might end up with the rope around your neck.

It’s not like cards have been dealt and now you have to work with what you have in your hands. Far from it. You can make that turn in late 60s for all it matters.

But, making millions is not anyone’s fetish.

Yours is most likely something entirely different. It’s just that you haven’t found it yet. Because, if it were about making millions, trust me, you’d be making them already. Maybe not millions, but your working day would last for 16 hours straight and you’d already have a substantial amount of money on your accounts.

That’s not for everyone. People are born that way. Their career is all they need. And even in their case, it’s not about the money, but about the thrill of the game.

I know a guy who’s been busting his ballz day after day to supply everyone around him with money. He never had much. He didn’t even manage to create some substantial savings. Yet, he managed to push two kids through colleges without student loans, while living with a woman who decided that she had enough of everything and won’t work anymore. He’s the man. It’s his job to provide.

The guy was a walking encyclopedia. He read every day, trying to find a way to make more money. In a process, he has tried everything. From sales to running a restaurant.

All that time the pressure was building. The wife’s decision to stay at home meant a significant drop in their monthly income and he just couldn’t patch that hole.

One day, not so long ago, he sat down, all alone, poured himself a drink and started thinking. The situation was tearing him apart and he knew that he is not capable of going for much longer.

It was after my third brandy, when it hit me.” He told me one day. “Why the fuck should I bust my back doing all sorts of crap that I don’t even care for, when I always wanted to make stuff with my own hands? And then I saw it. An idea popped in my mind. I saw this clear image of a product that I could make and probably sell.”

The thing about his idea was that he’s never done something like that. The tools he’s about to use were new to him. Needless to say how that entire idea sounded to his wife, but he didn’t back down, not even after she threatened with the divorce. He simply called her bluff and never heard a single complain from her, ever again.

He’s still far from being rich. Things remained on more or less the same level. Only, he’s happy about himself.

He made a choice, after a long search for the right answer. And being happy, makes not only his life, but the lives of all around him, much easier and better.

And that decision is easier than you think right now.

You just have to decide what’s more important to you for this remaining time you have on this planet:

A) to continue living as you think you should


B) to live like you feel you should be living.

That’s all that is to it.

Because, you think that you should live as they expect you to live. At the same time, people around you are living as they feel they should be living. On some level, you are literally being exploited for someone else’s personal interests.

Is it morally acceptable to drop everything and start painting pictures, or taking photos, or travel the world, or start doing woodwork?

Is it OK to leave them all high and dry for your own personal wishes?

Do you see now what’s been tearing you apart?

You firmly believe that if you go against the grain — against the matrix — that you’ll let everyone down.

That’s your problem my man. You feel like shit because you’re letting down the most important person – you.

As long as you are dancing on the notes of the common matrix and keep forcing yourself to get up every morning just to repeat the routine you don’t like, you’ll feel torn apart. Torn between what you think you should do, and what you feel you should do.

If nobody told you that Earth has elliptical shape, would you even think about it?

Same, if I take a small child and read him the Bible day after day until that child reaches the age of 12, what would be the child’s religious orientation?

Understand this simple fact of life: You were led to believe that everything will fall down if you turn from the main street and continue down some new road. In other words, you are the sum of what they taught you and missed to teach you.

The reality is: those who are making millions are never following the matrix, as you already know. So if you want something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done!

In your case, You have to make a choice, no matter what that might be, or you’ll never find your piece. Because, it’s about inducing the resonance in your neuronal network and that can only be achieved after you are left with only one thought on your mind.

But keep in mind that you have only 75-80 Earth’s turns around the Sun to live. Not much left, right?

Just remember what Einstein said:

“Repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is definition of insanity.”


Maybe this is a good time to change routine?

About the author

Mark Novicki