Why do we – STRONG independent men let our women rule us. WTF is going on here. Men double size of their woman just says “oh sorry” baby with the first little grump from her.
There’s this paradox that can only be witnessed and occur in marriage or in an emotional relationship between a man and a woman. And because of that paradox, we, the men, are suffering dearly.
The Paradox of Marriage
When you were a 12-year-old, did it ever occur to you to engage the 18-year-old? Even today, when you’re walking and passing by all those men and women, you are constantly assessing one thing – is my violence greater than his? If I have to, can I kick his ass?
If the answer is NO, you’ll even back down when openly provoked because why would you get your ass whooped, right? You’ll think twice before engaging in a physical conflict with a 250-pound, pure muscles, bold guy with the scar all over his ugly face – no matter the reason.
It’s your defense mechanism that guides you, with one specific sub-mechanism that decides your next move – the fight or flight response.
That’s how we operate as a species. We’ll run away from the danger we can’t eliminate such as a lion in savannah or a bear in the woods. Each and every of us, be it a man or a woman, is wired that way – without exceptions.
But in emotional relationships, something is different. It seems that this life-important mechanism doesn’t apply anymore. Because, in every other situation, if you’re approached and openly engaged by an obviously weaker person, your instinct will tell you to fight. Same, the instinct of the weaker one will start screaming to take the flight!
Only, in case of yours and any other wife (generally speaking), the system works backwards. All of the sudden, it’s the weaker person who’s given the fight signal and the much, much stronger one is retreating and eventually forfeiting.
Sure, it sounds funny when you talk about it over a dinner with your friends. You’re that 250-pound ugly motherfucker, with the nasty scar that goes over your left eye and ends on the right side of your chin, cutting right through both of your lips. Nobody fucks with you. A single look is more than enough to deter even the cockiest ones.
But, for some strange reason, your lovely, tiny 100-pounder wife is the exception. Her index finger and one simple nasty look under the eyebrows are more than adequate to put you down like a small puppy.
How do you explain this paradox?
Brain chemistry changes in a really smart way. Your defense mechanism got slightly altered the moment you fell in love and felt the need to protect her! She became the exception from the rule.
It would be great if it would stop at just that. Oddly, it doesn’t.
Women are wired to be cunning
She’s small. Tiny. A stronger wind could blow her away. Yet, she’s the undisputed emperor. Her word is ruling. Everybody obeys to her every wish. Even you, the 250-pound destroyer, notorious for his violence.
A long time ago, women figured out what their ultimate nemeses want more than life itself. It’s SEX! Give them a good round of sex, and they’ll eat from your palm.
Just to name few stars of the “business”, we have Mata Hari, the notorious Second World War spy, who used her body as the tool to extract vital information from the enemy camp (or the side opposite of the one that contracted her in that particular occasion). Then, we have the legendary Cleopatra, who played this game with two most famous head-cutters of the ancient times, Julius Caesar and Mark Antony, the two greatest Roman emperors.
This woman brought the game to the next level. Body movements. Talk. Look. Erotica. Extravagance. Pillow talk. And most likely – brutally efficient sex skills. It’s only reasonable to believe that Caesar enjoyed the blowjob from the Egypt pharaoh more than anything else. How cool is that, when you think about it. The “Sun Goddess” herself is bent in front of you, waiting to be fucked in the ass. Talk about ultimate ego boost and you have it.
It’s just the way they are wired to compensate the innate lack of strength and raw testosterone output. And they are using it – 24/7!
If we are not smart about it, this deviant and cunning behavior can eat us alive
When was the last time you had it your way? When was the last time she asked you for the opinion? How many times did she mock you in front of her family? How many times did she overrule your business idea with the simple NO? How many times did her caprice led you in a situation where you could end up seriously hurt, just because she found some behavior simply unacceptable?
Why are you allowing these nonsenses? Are you someone’s slave? Or are you a free man, brought to this world to do whatever the hell you can to upgrade yourself and subsequently the entire species?
You are allowing it because you blindly obey your primitive defense mechanism that got altered. That’s why we have all those cases where husband brutally demolishes the face of his wife. The pressure got so intense that he simply burst into flames. The good portion of his working memory gets shut down and he turns into that primitive animal, the cave man, that has only one goal – to eliminate the menace because clearly, he can do it. In that single moment, his defense mechanism resets and he acts upon the original program – target weaker, ergo destroy!
It’s clear that because of the previously explained alteration of our male defense mechanism, both men and women suffer. You are limited in your ideas, actions and responses because you must always consider “what will your wife say or think.” She has the best chance to suffer severe physical consequences if she pushes too far – which will inevitably occur, just give it some time.
Why will it surely occur?
Same like a small baby is pushing the remote of the table, inch by inch, to test your limits, same way wives act. And same as the baby usually fails to recognize the line and end up pounded, same way wives push too goddamn far and cause our system to reset, only for a fraction of time, yet enough to deliver the painful blow.
When shit settles, you have one person, a woman, probably on her way to trauma, and another one, the man, feeling sorry about the entire thing. His defense system got restored the moment he relieved the pressure. Cognitive thinking turns on and he slowly realizes the mess he caused.
Yes, we are causing that mess. Not women.
The first time you used “Yes, dear” for anything other than standard social contact between a husband and his wife, you triggered the chain of events that will inevitably lead to this outcome. She’ll push you (or even already managed to do it a couple of times so far) and you’ll snap and lose control.
We are all doing that, failing to show the baby how pushing the remote off the table will lead to severe penalty.
And no, we are not talking about kicking her ass on the first sign of cockiness.
We are talking about ignoring her!
There are few bright examples of marriages where men and women simply don’t mess into each other’s affairs. He wants the brown room. She wants the pink room.
Yet, they sleep in the same room, both happy about the compromise they made that makes their marriage happy.
How did they do it?
It’s not “them” who did it. It’s the man, who used a simple tactical maneuver.
“OK. You don’t wanna brown. Fine. I’ll sleep in the other room. Paint it pink, I don’t give a fuck. Slept alone for years and survived. Nothing has dramatically changed.”
He puts his money where his mouth is and goes to sleep in the brown room, painted by a professional.
The Ignoring her bluff phase starts.
She’s furious. Mad beyond all limits. Wanna divorce. Breaking stuff around the house. Yet, she can’t do shit about it.
Because, in the next room, painted in brown color – the color she hates, sleeps the nature’s greatest killer – the man. Her man. The one who provides. The one who protects. The one she can rely on when shit hits the fan. Her chosen one.
Phase lasts less than you expect it, no worries.
The negotiation phase. She realizes that he won’t back down. Even the famous “no sex” notion didn’t work. Bluff has epically failed.
She’s desperate. So she makes the coffee and get that catalogue out. Somewhere inside, there’s one color that they both like. If only she can find it.
The next day, the professional painter arrives. Frank and Alice are sleeping together, again.
It’s always the bluff!
She can’t do shit about it, as we showed earlier. Either she’ll find mutually satisfying solution or she’ll give up entirely and let you make the choice. You, of course, allow her these small “decisions.” It’s she who takes care of the household and gives a shit about the colors, to be frank.
Yet, unilateral decision, made in a fashion of the Roman emperor MUST NOT BE ALLOWED, no matter how tiny and irrelevant they seem. It’s always about compromise and negotiations – always.
Because, let’s not forget the definition of the marriage. Actually, there’s few of them…
THE REAL ONE goes like this: “Marriage is a voluntary community between two completely different individuals, established on emotional grounds and based on compromises.”
THE CHURCH claims that “Marriage is a religious act, where we get one crucified more and one virgin less.”
From the LEGAL perspective, “Marriage is life imprisonment where convict can only be freed on account of bad behavior.”
PHYLOSOPHERS, on the other hand, say this about the marriage: “Marriage is a type of social conduct where we mutually share and solve problems that wouldn’t even exist if we didn’t get married in the first place.”
Let’s stick with the real one…
The long-term consequences
“Give him a finger and he’ll take the arm. To bite him when he touches your fingernail, and he’ll know his limits.”
Have you ever heard about this proverb? It’s smart and based on our only learning method – “trials and errors.” We know it’s hot when we touch it or come near it. Not before.
Same is with wives. They are just like those dogs that bark and hardly ever bite. Even when they do bite, it won’t hurt much because they hit like the girls, literary.
What if it’s not a bluff? What if you call her bluff and she has a better hand?
Fuck it. She’s no good for you. We are talking about a manipulative sadist who just wants what’s good for her, not giving a shit about anyone else. She is simply not a good marriage — or even mother — material, because things don’t work like that.
Sure, you’ll say “Yes, dear” every once in a while and everybody will have a good laugh. But there are limits. And you have to clearly show/explain those limits, or else you’ll have a problem.
That problem will explode the first time you decide to detach from the dogma of the “responsible adult” and start seeking for the alternative way to “put the food on the table.”
On sole mention, she’ll go ballistic, using every mean necessary to block your attempt and “put you back where you belong” – in the craphouse of the human existence.
Frank, on the other hand, doesn’t have that problem. His wife thinks of it as of something common, ordinary, normal. After a while, Alice even started advocating this particular lifestyle to other married couples, entering into loud arguments with her family members, friends, neighbors and peers. She realized something important: he can succeed only if he attempts! And even if he fails, it’s not the end of the world. It’s yet another mistake to learn from. Eventually, her Frank will nail it!
And Alice was right. It didn’t take long for Frank to put their lives on a growth trajectory path. Relieved from that particular stress wives are known to impose upon their husbands, Frank had a peaceful and stable atmosphere to think shit up. No distress. No bullshit. No one-sided, non-argument and extremely biased rejections coming from a completely unexperienced and gutless person (as Hawk said).
That’s the creative and stimulating environment and Frank made that with the simple calling of her bluff – once, twice, and eventually the third time.
Alice quickly realized how her man took his role of the provider and protector extremely seriously. Nobody fucks with the Frank when he puts his mind onto something, not even her. Yet, Frank doesn’t sit in bars. He doesn’t drink. Ain’t fat. Ain’t looking at other skirts. And he’s a great lover. According to Alice’s own testimony.
The environment Frank and Alice created simply does wonders on the level of their happiness and overall satisfaction with the life itself!
Only problem, you’ve been married for quite some time and failed to do it like Frank did. What do you do now?
First time baby knocks that remote of the table can be observed as an accident. If you react, impact on your baby’s emotional state will be less severe and pretty much positive. Your Baby learned that one should be careful not to knock things from tables.
Second time your baby knocks the remote, while you failed to react the first time, can be observed as the exception from the rule. React now and the impact on your baby’s emotional state will be severe. You’ll provoke the rebellion. Sure, your baby will learn that it’s not wise to keep knocking down things, but only now it’s not yet another “trial and error” type of learning like it was the first time. This time, there’s a certain spite appearing. Nothing would thrill that baby more than to kick that damn remote again. Only, the fear of consequences is stopping the your baby from doing that. Ass whooping is something that sticks in the baby’s mind.
Third time this shit occurs and you failed to react in the first two instances, you’re creating a shock because it already became the rule (the habit). Your Baby learnt that she can keep on knocking stuff of the surfaces because it didn’t hurt. So now, after your decisive NO, your baby will scream, slam, hit, jump, cry and do everything else a spoiled brat does when you take its toy or suddenly change the routine.
Yet, it can’t do shit about it. If it wants that toy back, she must behave and obey. And believe me, your baby wants that toy more than anything else!
Your wife picked you among everyone else. There has to be a reason for that. Sure, the first time you say “No, dear,” she will scream, slam, hit, jump, cry and do everything else a spoiled brat does when you take his/her toy, or suddenly change the routine.
But she won’t divorce you or take revenge by sleeping with another man. It’s that bluff you need to call!
If she wants to be with you, she has no other choice than to obey to your wishes and accept the negotiation process occurring in the aftermath.
That negotiation process does not apply to your professional matters where you’re seeking for the alternative ways. It’s something every man and woman has the right to do – on their own with or without desire to run it with someone else.
However, if she does any of these two, she’s no good. Let her go. You deserve better.
And once you set the ground rules, life becomes the sunny meadow, full of grilled bacon and cold beers, just to relax from time to time.
Remember: repeating the same thing over and over again and expecting different result is the definition of insanity, so well put by Albert Einstein! If it doesn’t work, change the routine!