Talking about the real hardcore man in bed…not some pussy kid but the man in charge, having sex with his woman, demonstrating the skills of the sex warrior and making sure that she never forgets about that night!
And she won’t! Because, for some odd reasons, she doesn’t appreciate the “creativity” we’re bringing into bed. At the same time, some of us have a serious fetish on a couple of these. Nevertheless, these are 6 epic fails of bed masters.
#1 – Wow! Can you feel those beans baby!
Nothing thrills her more than a loud sound of a sudden air burst when you shoot the pigeon right out, while she’s doing your dick in 69. And if you do additional effort and have some hot sausages and maybe some sauerkraut along with the beans, maybe, just maybe, you’ll produce just the right aroma. She’ll cum, right there on the spot!
#2 – Look at them all white and clean
Yeah, it’s hard to figure this one out, isn’t it? We just love when she leaves her long socks or tights on. But it seems that they don’t appreciate when we proudly leave our white sports socks on. Peculiar…
#3 – I just fell in a dumpster, but don’t worry, I’ll take shower afterward
Yeah, baby! The good old smell of a trucker, during a long fucking summer day without air-conditioning, and with the exhaust system failure. All those wonderful aromas are spreading from your skin and especially from under your armpits just adding to the atmosphere. You two are in bed, wrestling like our ancient ancestors in a cave.
“You know you want it…you know you want it…cuz you’re a bad giiiirrl….”
Words just coming out of your mouth and you’re ready to talk dirty because nothing can turn her on like when it smells on the man, baby!
#4 – Feel my Inner Super Power Baby!
That garlic sider was a slam dunk…daaaaiiimn boy! Ultimate aphrodisiac and the boner-maker, made by your momma, to go along with that tasty and juicy over marinated 2 pounds of meat.
You can sense her joy. Her head just goes from one side to another and you can see how she enjoys the power you’re demonstrating. Her face twitches every time you slam in and exhale like you mean it!
If that doesn’t make her cum, nothing will so keep up the great practice sport! Eat that onions and garlic and then show her who’s her daddy!
#5 – Sitting, smoking, and thinking…
One Wednesday evening, I found myself sitting, smoking and thinking…
I’ve been thinking about those moments when I have sex and think about my ex…her name just keeps popping up and I’m imaging what it would be like if she was here now…maybe in some threesome…
But, danger’s lurking behind this. I could accidentally say her name during sex and probably end up with the bullet in my head.
So…I got the cat. Called her Julia. Just to be covered.
The next day, my wife comes home, carrying some stupid Maltese, telling me how she’ll call the damn mutt Paul…
Again, I found myself sitting, smoking and thinking…
#6 – Where to wipe it off? Ah yes, that will work…
She lives for this moment…it seems like she’s doing it on purpose just to be able to scream from the bottom of her heart…nothing brings added intensity in sex life and that moment after the synced orgasm like when you get up, jump out of da bed and wipe it off the freshly washed drapes she bought just the other day, and spent a good portion of the day to iron and hang all four of them…
What I’m trying to say here, fellowz, is that you should really, really pay attention to a couple of details before you jump to bad with your woman. At least from time to time. Just so you wouldn’t find yourself sitting, smoking and thinking…
