5 Bizarre Ways to Drop Dead While Having Sex
You think you can’t drop dead while having sex? Nothing bad can happen? I knew a guy who prepped the “exit” strategy to avoid being drafted into armed forces. He spent weeks organizing things for him and his family to just disappear while there is still time.
He sold everything, acquired visas, boarded his family on the plane and they were on their way to South America.
Once they landed in Buenos Aires, he rented a car to drive to the place his friend leased for them. 5 minutes later they were all dead because he missed seeing the truck coming their way at high speed.
And it is reasonable to believe that he would survive few years of war because he was a communications expert which means less exposure to the combat.
Shit happens and sometimes there is no chance in hell that we can see it coming. Same shit could happen when having sex, for example.
#1 – You’ve purchased Viagra online
Because she’s young, hot and wild and you want to make sure that you can last for more than usual 11 minutes. So you pop 2 pills along with few glasses of energy drink and you’re ready.
She’s sucking your dick like there is no tomorrow. Good thing you have a great boner otherwise she might snap it from the root because she’s using a tremendous force to prep your dick for the upcoming main event.
Once she thinks you’re ready, she gets down on her knees and elbows, exposing that beautiful, tight piece of ass to your mercy.
It all starts great but after a minute you start to feel discomfort. Something is causing the chest pain. But you don’t give up the fight. You’re the man and she’ll soon learn it in the best possible way.
2 minutes later, you drop over her, almost breaking the poor girl’s back.
What the fuck happened??
Viagra you bought was just some mediocre shit similar to 90% of all online marketed Viagra. It was the heavy granny medicine for low blood pressure. She’s using it to raise the blood pressure in the morning and her grandson saw the money in marketing that shit as Viagra. Since you combined it with the energy drink, and you had two of them, your poor old heart couldn’t bear the stress.
#2 – Her husband unexpectedly gets back
Just when you started to do her anally. When he saw that she’s allowing you to fuck her in the ass while telling him how hemorrhoids are killing her, he snaps.
He pulls the Glock 19 (because the dude is in the army and they prefer pistols) and fills your ass with sixteen 9 mm rounds. You look more like a beehive than a human being.
#3 – Sudden shift in the Earth’s crust
Triggers the massive earthquake just when you were eating her pussy. It seemed to you that she came with the thunder. So instead of undertaking the necessary survival actions (like hiding inside the door opening), you’re celebrating your victory.
And just when you realized what the fuck is going on, the roof collapses on top of your head, along with the neighbors and their bed. Now you have two pussies but no mouth to eat them.
#4 – Plane crashes right into your bedroom
While you’re doing the hot dog walker you managed to lure in bed by promising the lucrative career in your company. She’s young, tight and extremely fuckable and you simply could not control yourself. You just had to try that piece of ass.
That day your wife went to visit her parents. Boy, will she be surprised when they remove all of the debris and uncover your bodies. It won’t be that hard for her to figure out what the fuck happened!
#5 – Falling a victim of a reckless hunter
There you are, fucking that girl you’ve picked up an hour before. She wanted to pay back for the favor so she started to seduce you in the car, while you were driving.
Last time you tried something like that, it didn’t end well. You had to buy a new car and spend thousands bribing cops not to mention the fact that you weren’t alone when you hit that animal that jumped right in front of you while she was sucking your dick.
So this time you play it smart. You pull over and take her deep into the woods. You wanted to do that anyway. But what you failed to take into the consideration was the open hunting season and one drunk and irresponsible hunter.
Now they’re singing songs about you. You were the man, they say. Such a shame that you had to leave so soon. What the fuck happened?