When did we become so chickified?

Written by Dennis Thompsett

The most trusted man in America is now Katie Couric.

If you tell your son to stand up to bullies at school and fight back, he will be expelled. If you start an exclusive men’s club, you will be sued. If you yell at your wife, you will be arrested for verbal abuse. If you say anything that might possibly insult anyone, anywhere, you will become a social pariah. If you get divorced, you will likely be accused of molesting your own children.  If you make a crack about women  (Whoops!. No pun intended. I didn’t mean it. Oh God, I’m so sorry), you will be fired.

When did this ‘chickification’ get so entrenched? When did wimpy, cautious, female values take priority? When were men rounded up and put in this fenced in little pasture?

According to one of Dr Laura’s books, in one generation we’ve gone from ‘father knows best’ all the way to father is ugly, stupid,  lazy, always wrong and quite often dangerous.

Common wisdom has it that, nowadays, men pretty well have to be kept penned up. For our own good, you know. The mere whiff of testosterone is enough to bring down the wrath of God (Who is pretty much conceded to be a woman, anyway)

You can see it on TV. Pretty well all TV fathers today are slobbering  idiots, with smart,  good looking, long suffering wives, who spend their lives saving stupid old dad from himself. (Although the question always arises, if indeed these women are so smart, why did they marry such losers? The answer is simple. This reflects real life now. Women no longer have any choice. All men are like this today.)

It’s been a slow and sneaky, almost womanly plot to subtly change sex roles. This trend started quietly on TV as far back as the 50’s with the Honeymooners and continued on through the Flintstones and All in the Family, and has gotten to the point where today, it’s difficult to find an exception to that Dumb dad – Smart mom scenario. There’s not even a pretense of equality any more.

All the traditional manly things, like smoking, drinking,  guns, fast cars, poker nights, hot mistresses and Playboy Clubs are now restricted, despicable, controlled, banned or completely driven out of business.

Today men commonly have cosmetic surgery, go to hairdressers, wear perfume, carry purses, keep slim, exercise, stay incredibly clean and share. And, believe it or not, nowadays, they often actually do respect you in the morning. (And believe me, that’s a major sea change.)

So what the hell is going on here?

Suddenly men are expected to be caring, nurturing, sensitive, considerate and talkative. And, of all things,  to do housework. Or, in other words, we men are expected to turn ourselves, not  into better life partners, but rather,  into full fledged women.

And men are doing it, seemingly without any complaint at all. (Except for my lone burps and farts in the wilderness).

How do you do. My name is Butch.  Would you care for a cup of herbal tea?

Stop right there.

You can no more turn a man into a woman without surgery, than you can turn me into a liberal without performing a pre-frontal lobotomy.

Am I the only fat, foul-smelling, iracible guy left lying on  the couch these days? Is everybody else up, running around with an apron on, vacuuming or doing dishes?

Say, while you’re up there vacuuming, Butch, could you snag me a beer?

No! Not a lite beer!

Has no-one else noticed this? Does no one care? What’s happened? Have women evolved differently, (being the separate species that they are), and men are just desperately trying to change to attract these new mutant women? Or have men devolved and women are just stuck with this new wussier and uninspired version?

Once again, only I know the answer.  It’s civilization. Life is too easy now. We’re just consumers. We’re all equal in being able to survive. There’s no sweaty teamwork required to go to the supermarket to hunt the wily croissant. No need for home nurturing when TV and video games do it so effectively.

So, if you want to feel like a real man or a real woman, there’s really only one thing you can do to correct the sad situation.

Destroy civilization.


About the author

Dennis Thompsett