It’s not ‘what’ per se. It’s ‘why’ and ‘how’ to handle the situation after realizing that she cheated. ‘What’ comes later as a solution.
And to reach the solution in any situation, you need to find out ‘why’ something happened.
In this dreadful situation, you have to find the cause. Because this world is functioning on a single principle: a causal relationship of the things.
Something triggered her desire and she has crossed over every moral boundary to meet someone else and to screw you over entirely.
Now, your initial reaction is natural: shoot the prick.
No reason to do that.
Just imagine your ego issues when you spend 40 years being inseminated by every inmate in prison. They are not very picky.
In addition, what good will it do to your kids? They would be scarred for life and will resent you.
OK…you won’t kill the prick.
How about her? Why not busting her teeth out?
Again, why would you do that? What possible good can come out from the fact that you have sent the mother of your children to trauma room?
You see, all this time, while you’ve been plotting your revenge to heal your damaged ego, you didn’t take time to really think about why she cheated on you.
I’m sorry to be the one that will break it to you, but
The reason behind her decision to cheat on you is you.
You either neglected her or you two just cooled off from each other and you just won’t admit it.
She is a living human being with needs.
And if you are not capable of fulfilling those needs, someone else is. Because, every time you lift your arm and take a swing, there is a man who would enjoy her company no matter what.
Of course, if you just found out about it or if heaven forbids something like that happens in the future, your first action is to go far away for a couple of days to cool off a bit.
Pouring Jack in a nearby bar spells disaster because there is no way in hell that you can be sure in your reaction once you lay your eyes on her.
Being far away prevents irrational, instinctive and hasty reactions and responses.
Get hammered in a galaxy far, far away and think this shit through.
Unfortunately, one thing is certain: it will never be as it was.
Can you really make your peace with the fact that you’ll be living with someone who used to make excuses to slip out and bang someone’s brains out?
It’s time to pack your bags, my friend, because it is way too late to fix anything.
You’ve missed your chance. You didn’t pay attention when you should. That’s history and you shouldn’t bust your head with it now. What’s done it’s done and nothing can change it. Learn from it so you wouldn’t do it again.
That’s why it is important to get some perspective and answer ‘why’ did she do it?
Under the presumption that she’s not some hidden nymphomaniac, you seriously neglected her or even insulted her most sensitive feelings. It is either a revenge or search. Search for someone else. Someone who will take care of her.
It is obvious that you have failed. Make your peace with it.
Come home once you’re ready, apologize to her, pack your bags and leave. You have altered priorities now and those are your kids and you. Forget about her because it is obvious that she has forgotten you and your feelings.
Now the important thing here is this: do not try to explain your reasons to kids. They wouldn’t understand it anyway. If they are about to resent you leaving, let it be for now. There will be time to explain what the hell happened but your best choice is to leave it up to her to deal with it.
In the end, there are two people to blame here.
One is your wife, that’s for sure because she tried to play the game in order to stay in her comfort zone with the kids and her husband.
The second is you.
You didn’t make enough effort or you weren’t honest with you or her about your motivations regarding the marriage. You too have deliberately avoided the collapse of the system, knowing that the story is over.
You being a coward and someone who wasn’t willing to exit his comfort zone on time are the one who ultimately caused her infidelity.
Learn from this and don’t let it happen again with another woman. Or accept the fact that you are not for marriage in a first place.