How to Persuade Others
Not too long ago, I saw two little girls, the eldest of which had just made some fresh orange juice.
She wanted her little sister to try it – but her little sister said no!!
The big sister tried to persuade her sister in quite a few ways, but to no avail. She had triggered her sister’s “resistance response”.
The fact that you are reading this article means A – that you are alive, and B – that you can read. It also means that you come from a long line of ancestors that were a great success – at least as a matter of evolution. They were able to survive and procreate. Through countless generations, they were able to develop “rules” and experiences that help us be safer and survive.
We react with resistance…
One of these “rules” is the resistance response. It sounds like this: “If somebody wants me to do something, I need to be on guard, because it might be something I don’t like”.
Try to imagine being a cave woman / cave man with some capacity for communicating. You are part of a kind of group gathered together around the entrance to a cave. Inside the cave is a large animal, but you don’t know what kind of animal it is.
It could be a large animal that could feed the entire group for weeks, so you will no longer starve. But it could also be a huge tiger that has been terrorizing you for a very long time, and which has already killed several of the group members.
You will have to find out, so you select someone from the group who is not too bright and convince him that it would be a great idea for him to go inside and check what kind of animal is in the cave.
He goes into the cave and is eaten by the tiger, thus stopping his evolutionary development. He has no children, so you didn’t descent from him.
And it’s a good thing too, because if your ancestors hadn’t had this resistance response, your ancestor (you) would have run into the cave himself, and then you wouldn’t be here.
If you did not have this resistance response, everyone would be able to sell you anything, just by saying, “buy this – Now”.
However, you also have another response, and it pulls a little in the opposite direction.
If someone else wants me to do something, it may not be good for me, but on the other hand, maybe that person is right. Maybe it IS good for me. Here is a response, then, that is open to new things – buuuuut on certain conditions.
We could call it a “needs detector”.
The amazing needs detector
One really good tool that is innate to you is the “needs detector”. You can – more or less consciously – sense whether what others want to you to do is in your own best interest, or whether it is something they really need to get you to do.
It works like this: The more they want you to go it (want you to do it) – the les you feel like doing it (or the higher is your price).
You probably know it from yourself, and it applies to every area of life:
- The more you don’t need a partner, the more people are attracted to you.
- The more you don’t need to come to an agreement / make a deal – the easier it is.
- The more you don’t need money – the more money comes your way.
It is probably most obvious when it’s about sales and sexual attraction.
Women have an amazingly sensitive “needs detector” when it comes to men. And potential customers also have a very sensitive needs detector when it comes to selling/buying.
However, as I mentioned, it applies to every area of life – right from the biggest of deals, partner needs, and down to convincing your little sister that she should have some of this orange juice that you so proudly made.
How do you take advantage of this, then?
1. First, think of a situation where you would like to have another person do something. It could be a client, a family member, a friend, or that totally hot potential partner. In short – anyone.
On a scale of 1 to 10 (where 1 is totally indifferent whether anything happens or not, and where 10 is “This just has-to, has-to, has-to happen”), place a score on how much you want/need the person to do what you want.
2. What was your score? If it was very low (and you were honest – hmmhmm), then it should be fairly easy to influence the person to do what you are wanting him or her to do.
If you have a high score, you will have triggered “the needs indicator” with flashing lights and sirens, and your chances aren’t as good.
If you want to reduce your needs score, you can do the following:
Allow yourself to feel that it’s okay, if you don’t succeed in what you’re doing, and you don’t close the deal.
Now you might be sitting there grumbling and thinking, “well, you don’t understand my situation”. That’s true, but try to see the effect anyway.
The more you can let go and accept that no matter what, you’ll be fine and dandy, the greater your chance for success. You relax more, and when you relax, the other person senses that subconsciously. When you are relaxed, the other person will be much more relaxed as well. At the same time, you have a much better opportunity to use all your mental resources when you are relaxed.
And when you are relaxed and care as little as possible about the result, you are no longer sending out NEED-WANT signals, etc.
As it says in the Bible and in other religious writings: “Whoever has, to him more shall be given”. Perhaps that’s because the ones who have – and therefore don’t need – are more relaxed and allow things to come to them.
Of course, this is just one of the many tools you have at your disposal in order to influence others all hypnotically and irresistibly.