No matter how odd this may sound to you, the fact is that without anxiety and stress you wouldn’t be moving any more than an average grazer on the African savannah. That’s why you go to work for example.
However, there are few things you need to know before you can truly exploit the awesome potential of these two most hated feelings we men have from time to time.
Anxiety and stress have been our devoted companions from the dawn of our existence. They have been giving us the necessary boost to hunt for food, fight for our women and build shelters to raise the children in the safety of home.
Things have radically changed since those times.
It’s becoming increasingly difficult to cope with the rising stress and the sense of anxiety caused by gazillion different approaching deadlines. The world that we have built for ourselves, a world that is almost completely isolated from the outside dangers known in the past, became our dungeon.
We literally imposed the extremely fast pace to ourselves and now… now we are dropping like flies all over the place, before we even reach the so called “golden age.”
It doesn’t have to be that way. Anxiety and stress can, in fact, be utilized as the efficient assets and we’re going to teach you how.[clickToTweet tweet=”Anxiety and stress can, in fact, be utilized as efficient assets and we’re going to teach you how.” quote=”Anxiety and stress can, in fact, be utilized as efficient assets and we’re going to teach you how.”]
But first, let’s go over few facts:
THE FACT #1: Men are lazy by nature.
Feed us, keep us hydrated, put out from time to time, prep the bed and that’s it. We are happy and satisfied. No need for anything else except maybe PlayStation with the dozen of FPS shooters and big ass TV plugged on the internet to watch Netflix.
It’s just the way most of us are wired. Nature made us like that. With just a handful of bright examples of those men who possess hedonism gene, most of us have no real desire to move faster than an average sloth.
However, it doesn’t mean that our DESIRE to have it all is not equally strong.
THE FACT #2: Desire alone is inadequate.
You WANT it? You can have it. So why don’t you?
Because you’re lazy. Same as I and most of the guys you know.
When it comes to daydreaming, we are freakin’ champions. But, when we have to put things in motion, we’ll make up gazillion different excuses to avoid action. Shit, we’ll even be helping our wives with house cleaning.
That entire time, we have this strong DESIRE to make the change. To live like Trump. To be able to afford everything we WANT.
Only, there’s no motivation to make that first step – to step out of the comfort zone!
THE FACT #3: Comfort zone is fucking us up!
We can anticipate our day ahead with almost absolute accuracy. It makes us calm and reduces the stress level. It’s the calming effect of the routine.
In the same time, it’s the single most limiting factor.
The safety zone, that we’ve built for ourselves, where the unknown doesn’t exist, is fucking us all this time. And it’s fucking us because we are repeating the same time over and over again and expecting different results.
It’s like trying to catch a salmon in a small pond filled with only a handful of chubs. We know that there are no salmons there. Yet, we are trying to catch a few. Every fucking day. Because it’s right here. In the backyard. Where everything is known and familiar.
And while we are fishing, we are perfectly aware that we must expose ourselves to the unknown. If we want to change things.
THE FACT #4: We live in a constant duality between what we want and what we are willing to do
How many times have you said to yourself, ‘This is it! From now on, I’ll be doing things differently!’?
Just give up on everything as soon as you reach the outer bonds of your safe haven.
On one hand, you wanna stay safe, inside your bubble. In the other, you know that you must leave your safe haven. It’s a mind blowing paradox of modern living. The vicious choice.
Don’t worry. You’re not the only one. Most of us are exactly like that. We are living our lives by having two thoughts of the same weight in our minds at all times.
Somehow, we just can’t make the right choice. We stick with the pond.
It’s happening because what we want is not necessarily what we need. And if we don’t need anything, the brain finds no reason to spend energy.
This is not the case with those men with active hedonism genes. They are fully self-driven. No need for any kind of external stimulus. He sees it, he wants it, he’s getting it, one way or another. His brain perceives it as the real NEED and not just some wish like it’s the case with you and me.
Unlike our hedonist friend, you and I, my friend, we need to pull the prank and fuck our brains. We need to create an illusion of urgency.
The formula is simple:
You need $1,230.77, in 21 days, to pay your mortgage. Obviously, situation is not that urgent.
The need for money, or anything else besides air, water, food, sex and sleep, is virtual (relative). It only feels real. That’s why the need factor is divided by the sum of anxiety and stress levels. What we think we need is not necessarily reality. For example, if your fridge is empty, your stress and anxiety levels will go up because you feel like a failure. You are desperate to fill it up again. However, your brain doesn’t see it that way.
As far as your brain is concerned, 50% of that fridge is more than enough to resolve the issue. That’s the real need.
Back to our financial ordeal.
There are still 21 days to the deadline, so stress and anxiety levels are still low.
As time goes by, your anxiety level is increasing, but your stress level is still very low. That will change when your wife starts pushing you to “find the way.”
2 days before the deadline, anxiety and stress levels are extremely high, which finally pumps enough power into the need. Your brain is picking up the signal and initiates the complex and rather fast thinking process.
In the next two days, you’ll be spending 150% more of mental energy than usual. Brain is trying to figure out the way of how to decrease the stress level and re-induce order into the system. But it doesn’t create an unbearable situation because the brain knows that even if you get evicted, you’ll still survive. You’ll rent the condo and most likely improve your financial situation.
That’s why you’ve been doing less than needed to ensure the long-term financial stability and pay off your mortgage in less than 5 years. It’s not the real need. At least not to you.
Same applies to everything else around you. Your brain knows how it’s not vital for your survival. In fact, many of the things we do, or seemingly possess, are perceived more as a burden than a real need. It’s the reason why we sometimes feel like we sabotaged ourselves – deliberately.
And we did. Our brains did it to help us out.
There are 2 ways to trick your brain and force it to perceive your overly paid estate as something vital for your survival.
In other words, there are two ways to become self-motivated and determined even about things that are not the real need for your survival.
One is demanding wife, that’s for sure.
You must agree that hardly anything is more capable of forcing your lazy ass up than your wife.
The woman is an expert. She knows exactly what buttons to push to make you do something against your will or even against your better judgment.
The other is SHAME!
We live in a constant duality between how we see ourselves and how others see us. When our expressions fail to meet the approval of our social environment, we tend to retreat and fall in a state of an acute depression.
This is occurring because rejection inhibits the serotonin activation and serotonin is that one chemical that makes you feel good about yourself.
For many (men and women equally), it’s all about being positively perceived by the others. Only then, they are able to feel good about themselves.
Women will wear extremely uncomfortable and borderline dangerous high heels. Men will risk their lives trying to appear like heroes. Both genders will be careful about their behavior and verbal communication. Everything is carefully planned to fit in just perfectly.
All because they wanna turn out great in the eyes of those who surround them.
In difference from the people with the active hedonism gene, this group is sensitive to rejection. Even the smallest rejection will push them into the state of depression and they will even be forced to seek out for professional help.
And then, there are those who just don’t give a fuck. He’ll dress what he wants. Talk how he wants. He’ll even be borderline insulting.
There are two possible reasons for this kind of behavior: he’s either trying to hide something or that’s just who he is – a creative mind who gives zero fuck about other people’s opinion.
But that doesn’t make him immune to SHAME!
Creative or deliberate, one thing never changes:
How do you feel when you are paying with a hand full of quarters?
Not good, right? In fact, there’s a chance that you’ll send your kid to the store. You just don’t want that lady to feel less about you because we all know what it means when a fully grown man pays with coins.
Feeling of shame is simply overwhelming. Your mind is focused on observing the reactions of everyone around you. In simple words, you feel like shit.
That’s because you feel rejected. Even better, you can anticipate it, because you know how people will be looking at you if you try to buy just $5 of gas – with coins! That’s the lowest a grown up man can go, to tell you the truth. It shows to anyone how incapable he is to provide for his family.
Now, let’s escalate the situation a bit.
How do you feel when you park your small car next to some expensive hot new rod, while your wife is sitting beside you?
Again, not that good. You start wondering what the fuck is that guy doing to afford such a vehicle. At the same time, your third eye is on your wife. How that makes her feel about you? Are you underachiever? A bitter disappointment? Will she leave you? Are you gonna end up all alone and broke?
She may not want to admit it, but you really don’t’ have to be Einstein to figure out how she’d be much happier with her ass in that cozy BMW seat.
Make no mistake: her brain is doing one thing – trying to picture the face and the shape of that hot rod’s owner! She’s trying to imagine sitting beside the driver of that vehicle. And that driver is not you.
Let’s further escalate the situation.
How do you feel about the fact that the biggest portion of the Western World will go the New Year’s Party abroad while you are forced to sit at home, with the grumpy and least happy wife, watching special program?
They are making this program specifically for those who, due to a variety of reasons, cannot go out and have fun at some extravagant party in Paris.
But let’s not travel that far.
Can you spend two grand on one night? Is your budget allowing that? Can you take your spouse to some New Year’s Special and the spa nearby?
If not, how do you feel about that, knowing that she’s crying within?
Not married? Even better.
Observe the faces of people when you start pulling out coupon-based and seriously discounted food and beverages on the cash register counter.
Embrace anxiety. Embrace stress. They are your drives. You only need to look at them as your friends, that’s all!