It’s a mistake to hold it within you. It’s a mistake to withhold yourself – to suppress your feelings. How many times have you been pushed to the limits of self-control by your in-laws and their daughter, your beloved wife? How many times have you daydreamed about the brutal response, but never actually said a word?
Well, this is how it looks in reality when a man release all that accumulated pressure in less than 5 minutes. The best part is: his life became better. He became happier. No one was harmed physically. And all it took was a simple from-the-heart 5-minute address to the gathered “crowd” after years of putting up with all that bullshit.
The scenario is all too familiar…
Marriage. A voluntary community between a man and a woman, based on mutual compromises, where the woman is always right. Sounds familiar?
A young momma’s boy – marries a daddy’s little princess. And it almost always means one particular scenario: she’ll keep doing everything in her power to detach you from your family, so she could stay close to hers. If you let it happen and if you silently renounce your family, you are digging yourself a rather large hole in which you’ll eventually fall. It’s just the matter of time.
You’ll justify and rationalize your decision to overreact in some minor misunderstanding or dispute with your family while keeping your mouth shut even when her folks are clearly insulting you.
It appears that for the sake of some delusional peace and a bit of sex every now and then, most of us men are living in this mind-blowing paradox. Something nature has never seen before.
The weak are controlling the strong. The weak are deciding the course of life of the strong. The weak are doing everything in their power to kill the self-esteem of the strong, just to prove their might that, in reality, doesn’t exist.
In any other situation, that shit wouldn’t have happened because the nature made it pretty clear: if my violence is more powerful than yours, you need to tread lightly! That’s the basic principle of the circle of life all around us.
Human beings, men in particular, allowed significant alteration of that ancient common rule. We are just letting them crush us with every chance they get.
The Wife. Her father. Her mother. Even her brother and sister in some instances. All acting like some regulators who simply know the best how we, the fully grown men, should live our lives. By the time we realize what we have done to ourselves, it’s usually too late.
But, from time to time, the valve simple bursts before it’s too late.
In this case, and many other similar ones, the “regulators” made a cardinal mistake and seriously misjudged the character of the husband and son-in-law. The man was patient for too goddamn long. All it took was one wrong word in just the right moment for all three of the regulators to feel his wrath. And it wasn’t something pleasant to hear either.
It was a marriage, same like many others, where the husband simply adored his wife. He’s doing everything he can for her, adjusting his own behavior and allocating as much time as possible just for her to be happy.
But you know what they say…give them a finger, and they’ll start pulling the arm.
For some strange reason, some women fail to recognize the God given gift in front of them. Instead of respecting the personal sacrifice, they are pushing and pushing and pushing, until they simply push too far. It’s like a baby and the remote. Baby will keep pushing the damn thing off the table until you react. Fail to react adequately, and next time the remote will end up being flushed. They are just testing the limits.
Unlike human females (some of them), every other mammal responds well to treats and rewards. Take a small puppy for example. As long as you keep rewarding the puppy’s small achievements with even smaller prizes, the puppy will respect it and anticipate it. In other words, that small puppy, that will later turn into a fully-grown predator, will not try to abuse your kindness in any way, nor it will try to test the limits. That small puppy will learn fast and hardly ever miss the treat. Contrary to some practices and general belief, the repressive form of training are not needed. The puppy will behave better than any human being.
Humans are different. Wives in particular. At least some of them.
Just so you know, we have nothing but respect for those women who recognize and respect the fact that the man is willing to alter or ignore his own identity, freedoms and character to spoil his woman, in his desire and fundamental urge to do what’s best for her and to make her happy.
But those are few. For the most part, they will keep testing the limits. They will threaten. Blackmail. Control. Just because she wants to suck up to her daddy. Or just because she wants to be the indisputable queen of the pride, like her daddy was while she was just a girl.
This has nothing to do with us wanting the women to be submissive. We are talking about an EQUAL relationship.
Well, I know the guy who lived with that kind of a woman. We spoke during a BBQ event some time ago and he just spilled his guts out. His, now fully reformed wife, just nodded her head, confirming his every word and even commenting certain events and situations. It was clear as a whistle that she realized what she had done and almost lost, forever.
Nobody really knew what he was going through just to make her happy. All the crap he had to eat just to keep the peace and make her happy. He even neglected his own family to make her happy. His own mother passed away suddenly and he didn’t even get the chance to spend some time with her, because his wife was relentless in her efforts to detach him from his flesh and blood.
He tried to explain to her that she must change few things or everything will go to hell eventually.
She ignored him. For years. She just loved playing the role of the queen, mimicking her father’s aggressive and over-controlling behavior.
One particular family gathering.
They all met at her family home. Her father. Mother. Brother with his wife and their 10-year-old son. Sister with her fiancée. And four of them. Ron, his wife Melany, and two sons, Robbie and Noah.
Everything started well. Relaxed. Couple of shots of strong liquor. Jokes. Laughter. Yet, Ron knew better than that. He was wary. As always.
Then, with no good reason, Ron’s mother-in-law started poking. Nothing she didn’t use to do in the past to put Ron and even Melany down. And every time in past Ron would hold his lips shut for the sake of peace.
This time, however, the words and the very provocative meaning hit the right switch in Ron’s brain.
Maybe it wouldn’t happen if it wasn’t for Melany. He could sense that she’s silently approving her mother’s provocation. Or, at least, that she’s isn’t ready to protect him like he used to do when a situation was the other way around at the beginning of their relationship.
The absence of her reaction was nothing new, but this time, something was different.
As Ron explains, “It’s that moment when you feel you’re nearing the breaking point and you only need to open this last door. You gotta be ready to push that handle down for the door to open.”
Ron just finally had enough of that shit.
He slowly put down the fork and the knife. Took a sip of the cold white wine and made an eye contact with every single person at the table. His face got dark. Eyes turned red.
They could all feel something was different this time.
Ron turned his attention to Melany’s mother Eleonore; the woman who’s been his mother-in-law for over 20 years at that point. They had their up and down moments but for the most part, it was Ron and his utmost patience that kept things running. This time, however, something clicked in Ron’s mind. He was looking at her with the eyes of the predator that is getting ready for that decisive bite.
Same as many times before, she used the opportunity to mention how Ron and Melany wouldn’t be having a roof over their heads if it wasn’t for her. She even said that they would be hungry if it wasn’t for her occasional help since it was clear how Ron can’t meet the imposed expectations.
– So sell the damn things, OK? – Ron started – Yes, you bought the flat. The question is: why the hell did you buy it? Just to be able to fuck with us every time you want? I had enough of this shit. So listen to me now and listen good. – Ron was determined to put an end to this behavior, no matter the cost.
Melany’s father, now a 63-year-old retired man, tried to stop Ron in his most common and expected way that worked like a charm for decades – by aggressive outburst. But before he even opened his mouth, Ron reacted. With a calm and silent voice, he looked right in her father’s eyes and said:
– Don’t mistake me for your wife or your daughters or even your son. You feel me? –
Melany was shocked. All of them just froze. But it was more than enough for her father to simply shut his mouth, for the first time ever.
So Ron continued:
– Don’t worry, I’ll move out from the apartment. That damn thing cost me too much already. I knew it won’t bring anything good when Melany told me that you bought it. She was happy. I was worried because I could see beyond just the “we-are-good-parents” gesture. –
He then looked at Melany. – You betrayed me for the last time. – He made a significant pause to let those words echoing – Hope you’re happy, Melany. Finally, you’ll be able to live with your mother and father. Hell, maybe they’ll move in with you since they bought that apartment and it seems that they just can’t cope with the fact that someone else is living in there. –
Then he just got up, and left.
By the time Melany got home, he was gone. Nobody knew where he went.
As Melany admits, she started shivering and panicking, not knowing what to do next. Her life just broke apart and she was just starting to realize WHY.
– It was a breaking point for me. – Says Melany.
– For the first time, I saw the consequences of my devotion to my controlling father and mother, who did more harm to me than anyone else. As Ron kept telling me, I was still behaving like a 10-year-old girl, who’s living her life in fear from her parents’ reactions. I was still explaining myself to them even though I was a mother of two almost fully-grown sons. Ron did all he could to point that to me, but I was blind to see it. –
It appears that her folks psychologically abused her ever since she entered puberty. And even from the earliest age because she remembers how the bulk of the housework, for instance, were delegated to her. In fact, as she recalls, mother used to bully her by diminishing the work she’d done and making her do it over and over again. Nothing she’s doing was right or good enough.
Ron was her way out and she didn’t see it.
She spent a month searching for Ron. Not even their two kids knew his whereabouts. Until he decided to drop her a message.
– I was out of my mind for that entire time. Wasn’t speaking to my parents. I realized what kind of damage they inflicted to my own personal life, just so my mother would prove once and for all that I’m a failure. Ron was telling me that. He tried to explain it. And I heard him. I just couldn’t do anything about it. – Melany is explained with the tears in her eyes.
Two months after the “incident” at her folks, she and Ron got back together. The change was obvious. They were like this newly hitched couple still very much in love and full of passion, even though they are married for 25 years now.
– That moment, at the dining table, served as a wakeup call. I suddenly realized what I had by my side for all those years. It was like I developed a new respect for my husband. He was this knight who killed my nemesis and saved me. Saved me from myself. – Melany said at the end.
We are not saying that this is something you should do, if you recognize yourself in Ron. It may easily backfire and successfully end your marriage.
Then again, you’ve got to ask yourself: is that why your mother gave birth to you and raised you so you could be someone’s bitch?
What do you think?