Ballz We Want

Let’s face it: women are only good for one thing.

Women are only good for one thing
Written by Dennis Thompsett

I’ve thought about it a lot and I’ve come to the inescapable conclusion that women are only good for one thing. Now ladies. Wait.

The one thing I’m talking about is not the one thing your mother warned you about.  The one thing I’m talking about is leadership.

Ask any military officer. The secret to leadership is simple. You gather the available information. You make a quick decision. You carry it out. Then you move on. No second guessing or over-thinking. Decide, then move on. It really doesn’t matter whether the decision is a perfect one, as long as you make it, well, decisively.

In my opinion, this is what women excel at. They have a lot more experience in making important decisions and they are much more suited to the entire decision-making process.

Think about it; since they are 14 or 15 years old, they have to decide who to have sex with. (The state of the human race today suggests that they don’t always make the best decisions here, but that’s not the point.)

Then they grow up and decide who to marry. Then they decide on which house to live in. (Just ask any real estate agent; the deal’s not done until the woman agrees.) Then the woman decides what furniture to buy, where to put it and whether you can eat on it or not. (Usually not).

Then come the children and the woman decides what they wear, who they hang around with and when they’re sick enough to stay home from school.

The woman usually decides what friends the couple will keep and which to jettison (usually his). She also usually dresses the husband, keeps the social calendar and is the prime mover behind whether the family goes to church or not.

And these are the everyday decisions that pretty well every woman makes. She makes them alone. She makes them quickly. And then she moves on to the next. She is the perfect leader.

The idea that women are indecisive, dither and seek consensus is a myth. Or, more likely, a strategy.

What makes women so good at making decisions is evolution. For hundreds of thousands of years, their very existence has depended on their ability to notice small things, to sense the dangerous emotions in the air and to come to fairly good conclusions based on a lot of little snippets of data that most men would overlook completely.

This means, in any given situation, women probably have gathered more information about the problem and, in theory, can make a much better snap decision. 

Contrary to popular belief, women seldom make emotional decisions.  The obvious exceptions are women in love, but that is pretty well accepted as a mental illness, and not usually of long duration. Otherwise, women have much more common sense than men do.

That’s why we always find it so shocking to discover a woman serial killer or a woman stupid enough to blow herself up for God.  It’s a sort of dead giveaway about how we really feel about women. We think “Come on. Women are smarter than that.”

No matter what antics males get up to, however, we never, ever have that thought about men.

This is like one of those drawings where, when you turn it in a certain directions, you suddenly see the hidden picture. So now you’ve seen the truth about women. You’ll never look at them in quite the same way again.

Take advantage of your new knowledge. If there’s a woman running in an election, vote for her.  If there isn’t one, persuade one to run.

Then you can lie on the couch and watch the big screen, secure in the knowledge that the country will be run as well as the house is and that all the necessary decisions  about the economy and foreign relations and global warming and all that other stuff will be made and made well, by people who have evolved specially to make decisions.

After all, even though a woman may decide what colour and what size and what shape and where it goes, it was probably a man who invented the couch. 


About the author

Dennis Thompsett