We come from Mars. They come from Venus. We like this. They like that. We don’t give a fuck about anything – but like to fuck almost everything. They can make a big deal from a single dust particle and are not so fast to get naked and ugly with anyone.
But what are the main differences? Those that tend to screw us up out of nothing; like a thunder ball from the clear sky? Things most men don’t see before they hit them.
Well…not only that you’ll find out what are they but also WHY are they, which is even more important.
#1 – They are small and tiny but they need more space than we do
You know what the “golden cut” is of course, but why on Earth would a creature, so tiny and small, need the largest cut in everything? When you sleep, and you’re not needed to heat that ass, it takes only a small nudge to knock you off the bed in the middle of the night. She’s all over the freakin’ place and yet, she fits in a smaller suitcase.
Why?
To be quite honest, I’m not so sure in my reasoning about this issue but here it is. You be the judge.
I think that A) it’s a sort of compensation for her being the smaller one, B) demonstration of the power she has over you, and C) it’s you who move away as far as you can, once she falls asleep and you get overheated.
What do you think? Have another theory? Put it in comments so we could discuss it. But my money is on C).
We won’t even start with the wardrobe and “needed” closet space…
#2 – Men like it simple. Women? Not that much…
Have you ever cross-checked your computer desktop and hers? It’s like they can’t find any other place to put every damn app or a picture but on the desktop. And after a while, you can’t find an elephant there even if it would run from side to side of the screen.
Since they don’t know how to use cloud services, sooner or later the capacities are breached. What happens then? She comes to you in a panic because she cannot save that stupid meme she picked up on Facebook, asking you to fix the issue because why else did she marry you?
So you come and the first thought that comes to your mind is to run away or at least smoke some weed because you know how this story would develop. Each time you want to move something away to make the room, it’s too precious to her and she won’t be able to access it when she feels like it.
You can try to teach her how to access a different folder, but that’s an obvious waste of time that will end up with a fight. She just doesn’t give a fuck. Make it happen or else!
Why is this happening?
They are just too lazy to learn their way, even though they like to claim how it’s them who keep the order, push harder and know everything about anything. It seems like accessing a simple folder is beyond their scope of capabilities. Since they are complex creatures, they tend to overcomplicate every simple thing.
#3 – The best defense is top offense
You went on vacation, agreeing that none of you will come even near to social network accounts for a week. She’s nervous about that and you simply don’t know why. As far as you’re concerned, it’s great to disconnect and enjoy the life.
As days go by, she gets more and more anxious. And that’s not because she has a lot on her mind. The reason is much simpler than that. She’s a freakin’ addict; that’s why she’s so edgy and nervous.
What kind of an addict? Social networks one; Facebook primarily.
How can I be so sure about it?
Put a tap on her Facebook account and go away for a week. When you come home, you’ll find maybe one or two updates from some funny groups while she will have 56 new friends requests, 89 messages and probably over 130 different updates.
That’s why you can only hear vacuum cleaner, food processor, washing machine and the oven when the internet connection goes down for more than 2 hours!
And that’s why you’ll go through the hell for those 15 minutes every third day on Facebook while she’s spending the largest portion of her every day on it, doing God knows what.
#4 – They move forward much faster, even if it doesn’t seem that way
When a couple breaks up, she’ll spend the next 24 hours crying, while he will feel like 2 tonnes of waste got lifted from his chest. She’s fucked and he’s free.
But as time goes by, things are starting to change.
A week later, she’s on her sugary diet, eating candies, cakes and ice cream like there’s no tomorrow but she does feel happy. He, on the other hand, feels lonely and starts to question his decision at some bar, drinking some hard stuff.
She’ll gain a pound and he’ll make the complete fool out of himself under the influence of the alcohol. There’s nothing attractive about seeing a grown man crying like a pussy.
And then another few weeks pass by. She gained 3 pounds that she’ll lose in no time because now she feels happy and liberated. While she’s celebrating her freedom, dude is crying all over the place, begging her to come back to him.
She does some thinking (read: 1 minute at best) only to decide that it is for the best for two of them not to see each other anymore. He’s crushed beyond every limit and she’s having fun with a bunch of her girlfriends, already scanning the perimeter for the next reason to eat a pound of ice cream.
Why is this happening?
It takes time for us men to switch on our logical part of the brain. If it would be active at all times, we would never break up because why would you want to give up on an easy access to a pussy whenever the hell you feel like it?
For women, that logic doesn’t even exist. They cry because they feel betrayed. And already on day 2, the feeling of betrayal gets substituted with spite and anger. She just doesn’t like to lose in any way. If she was the one who broke up the whole thing, then it’s OK. But since the man did it, she’s pissed because who he thinks he is, dumping her like that. If someone should be the “dumper”, it’s her.
So basically, it has nothing to do with the heavy marketed claim about how a woman is a tender and gentle being who doesn’t like to hurt people. It’s about winning and losing. It’s about being a boss. It’s about being an Alpha & Omega. And when a man is the one who initiates the breakup process, it triggers the revenge potentials. Nothing would thrill her more than to cut you slowly with an old rusty knife so you’d die from boredom.
The real reason why she cries hides in superiority issue and not because she’s all crushed because you’ve dumped her.
#5 – The way each gender distinguishes colors can easily become a real pain in our butts
How many colors do we men distinguish?
9 in total. Black, white, red, green, yellow, blue, violet, pink, and orange.
How many colors do women distinguish?
28 as the basic disambiguation.
For instance, what you see as the violet color, she further dissects to: wine red, plum, eggplant, grape, purple, and lavender.
Now you can guess why she gets all upset when she tells you some story about her fuchsia dress and you nod your head like you know what the hell is she talking about, after which she sends you to bring it on and you bring strawberry color.
“Did you hear a word I said? You never listen to me! What the hell is wrong with you? What was I thinking 10 years ago?”
For some reason, they find offensive when we can’t recall the specific piece of wardrobe that she purchased 5 years ago. Why did God create it that way? To punish us for that damn apple apparently.
To make things even worse, she has a habit asking for your opinion about the room color, the color of the drapes and similar crap you can’t care less for. Of course she’ll end up pissed and she knows it. Why the hell would you ask the guy who never heard about sea green color (which is actually a light blue color) about the opinion? He’ll say yes automatically because he knows pretty darn good that going against the current could kill him. Maybe it’s a trick question?
Maybe she just wants to check out are you still hot for her?
Which triggers the fire starter question: “What’s my favorite color?”
If you reply with the one that isn’t her current favorite and you’re fucked because apparently, that’s the favorite color of that bitch you’ve been flying around for a while on Facebook.
#6 – It takes 15 seconds for you to buy the item “A”. It takes 45 minutes for her to do the same. Why is that?
And all things are being equal. You have to walk the same path she has. You have to find the same shelf, she has and you have to pay for the damn thing exactly the same way she has. So why the fuck it takes 15 seconds for you to buy a shampoo, for instance, while it takes 45 minutes at least for her to buy that same damn thing?
How do men buy a shampoo?
“I think it had a ‘Shampoo’ label on it…although, I’m not so sure.”
And that’s it. This is our entire filtering process. It took less than 2 seconds to pick it up from the shelf and place it in the cart. A quick run to the POS, money is already in the hand, subtle wink at the cashier lady if she’s any good and that’s it. 15 seconds. Plenty of time left to buzz around and maybe grab a beer or something.
How do women buy a shampoo?
The final decision is reached only after close examination of every single product on a 100-yard long shelf, using 12 different evaluation methods. It’s almost a scientific approach to the issue.
First, she cross-checks 25 of the most likely picks on account of the advertising effectiveness. Then comes the brand filter used to eliminate those less represented in commercials. 5 didn’t pass the filter, 20 are undergoing the next check-point and that’s the aroma.
She’ll take her time to open and smell each container, even though she knows that nobody can distinguish perfume from shit after smelling more than 4 different products. Of course, already on 6th, she can no longer recall the smell of the 2nd so she reopens it.
The entire process takes painfully long 5 to 10 minutes and if you are with her, you’re thinking about visiting the arms department to ask the nice gentleman behind the counter to shoot you.
Another 5 failed to satisfy her based on the aroma. 15 will be used in the next combo-filtering consisting of careful evaluation based on:
- Ingredients
- Marketed effect on the hair
- Bottle’s color
- Quality
- Design
- Friend’s advice
- Internet reviews
- Amount
- Popularity
And now the choice comes down to 2 brands and she finally, after 41 minutes of analyzing, turns to you and says: “What do you think, honey? This one or this one?”
After reading everything your eye could catch for about 41 minutes, you’re not entirely sure if she’s holding bottles of shampoo or some strange animals she caught.
“It’s the same, dear. Pick one and let’s go.”
“I can never count on you. You’re hopeless. Why the hell am I even trying to ask you for the opinion when it’s clear that you just don’t want to help me. You never wanted it anyway. It’s your mother’s fault. She didn’t raise you properly. You don’t respect me. You think I’m stupid. But you would help that blond bitch you’ve been flirting with all this time wouldn’t you, you dumb piece of shit. Don’t think that I haven’t noticed how you’re checking her out while I’m trying to reach the life important decision here.”
And all because of one damn shampoo. Go figure.
It’s this last difference that says everything about the marriage between a man and a woman. Every day is freakin’ shopping for a single bottle of shampoo, that’s what it is.
God help us all.
