Here, we’re gonna bust open the six most common online dating myths and explain what really happens.
You can’t find love on online dating sites – BUSTED!
Let’s take Britain, a piece of land, surrounded by the sea on all sides, between Europe and the US, to bust this nonsense right in the face.
1 in 5 heterosexual couples in the UK met online. Staggering 70% of homosexual couples found each other on online dating sites.
Now, I really don’t see the reason to keep firing global stats because this most common online dating myth got completely busted on the example of Brits.
But, nevertheless, be it as it may, maybe there is something in this.
The fact is that due to a misconception about the true purpose of online dating sites, and misuse of certain features when creating a dating profile, people, completely unconsciously, set themselves on the wrong path.
We will explain this problem in more detail because it’s global and connected with a couple of more misconceptions and even busted myths.
Once we explain it, we’ll show you how to do it right. Fair enough?
OK, let’s move forward and bust a few more online dating myths, shall we?
Matchmaking beats the online dating – BUSTED!
According to which criteria?
Traditional matchmaking takes ages to connect you with someone who is a “perfect” match. And for the most part, you’re limited to your local community.
But let’s see the numbers…
Over a third of the American couples married between 2005 and 2012 met online using different online dating sites. We are talking about millions of people here.
An average local matchmaker, like for example Terri Smith, a professional, personal, Christian matchmaker from Southern California, managed to connect 350 couples over a 20 years period.
You do the math but we are sure that we successfully busted this one also.
Because, in the end, nobody can find you the perfect match except for you!
Our next online dating myth is one of those online dating myths that occupy philosophers and psychologists.
An overwhelming number of online dating profiles act counterproductive – BUSTED, WITH STYLE!
Apparently, some traditional matchmakers and usual online philosophers who will find negativity in drinking freshwater tried to create this myth in order to do a quick spin.
Because with the onset of online dating, these folks found themselves losing clients at the speed of light.
They claim that the overwhelming amount of available options is causing so-called “analysis paralysis”, a term coined by yet another “philosopher,” Barry Schwartz, who claims that “we receive less value in each option we have as the number of options grows.”
While it may be applied to certain fields, it cannot be applied to online dating because it’s exactly the sheer number of options that drive people to meet online.
We just love having multiple choices because, well, why the hell not!
There will always be those insecure about what they wanna do so they’ll spend days and weeks analyzing something just to dig out the reason to abandon the idea.
Isn’t it cool when you don’t have to drag your ass from one bar to another and then do the guessing game, just to end up rejected? Online dating provides a neat way to communicate with many like-minded people at once – same as you can choose to read 10 seemingly identical crime novels in the library.
There’s a bigger chance of splitting up if you met online – Online Dating myth BUSTED,
To be able to claim something like that, promoters of this ridiculous theory deliberately chose to neglect one fact about the entire concept of online dating – it’s primary purpose!
And the primary purpose of online dating is to meet someone new!
Only in the aftermath, two people decide whether they are mix and match.
Of course that you gonna need more than one attempt to “land” the love of your life and that’s exactly the same as in traditional dating. It doesn’t happen over the night.
So if you use the stat where you’ll sum all the people who connected with each other online and then split up after realizing that there’s no powerful chemistry, of course, you’re gonna end up with a higher number.
Nevertheless, they are using this method to talk people out of online dating.
Only, there’s one serious problem – these stats are extremely colloquial because there’s no statistic that will show the global number of breakups of couples who met in the more traditional way!
It’s relatively easy to find the statistics about some online activity because everything is being recorded and analyzed. That, however, is not the case with couples who met in parks, bars, playgrounds, funerals. Nobody can say for sure how many of those break up after a while. So it’s an extremely one-sided and biased point of view that cannot be effectively compared. And when you cannot cross-check the stat, it really cannot be considered as a fact!
But when we talk about online dating myths and the ultimate bullshit, our #5 really glows in the dark…
Online Dating myth – It endangers the future of the species
OK, we admit, the sub was perhaps too much. But how would you sum all the “fears” coming from the claim that online dating is putting the whole propagation of the species at risk because people are more focused on meeting as many people possible than finding that one, right match?
We are here for over 4 million years. Just 60 years ago, you were limited to your narrow local community to find a mate. There was a strong possibility that the person you got your eyes on is your relative! In many communities, this was even a sort of practice because there was no “fresh blood.”
With the onset of modern communications (air travel), internet and online dating, we, in fact, made one critical giant leap forward – we improved genetic diversification!
Today, thanks to online dating, we have more interracial marriages than ever before. Let’s not forget that 25-year-old Americans can now hook up with 23-year-old Ukrainian beauty in a matter of weeks, forming a unity of two completely different genotypes.
Yeah, people are exploiting a large number of options, going to 2 and even more dates per week. But when you think about it, which is more likely to occur in a short period of time:
A) To go on 1 date a month and find the perfect match, like it’s the case with the traditional dating,
B) To go on 4 dates a month and meet as many as 4 different people during one single month and find the perfect match, like it’s the case with online dating?
Which one, out of these 2 options seems more optimal for you to find just the perfect soulmate?
And finally, for our last online dating myth…
Online dating sites are matching people on the wrong basis
There’s this theory that, unlike in traditional environment, where opposites attract each other, in online dating, you’ll be suggested with the profiles similar to yours and that predominant factor (difference) of successful relationship will void.
Apparently, these people, who claim such nonsense, never truly spent time searching for a date online or made an effort to understand the underlying difference between traditional dating and the online one.
Online dating sites use your input – your personal preferences that you’ve entered in a form, to find you the best match. In other words, you’re not matched on account of your character/profile, as it is wrongly assumed, but on account of personal preferences that you’ve listed.
It’s not really the site’s fault that people lie or search for something they ultimately don’t want. Algorithms, used by online dating sites, are programmed to return THE EXACT profile based on your entered criteria.
Only, if the person “lied” in his/her profile, then it’s plausible that recommendations won’t be optimal.
See that bolded word? Those are simply recommendations and not something mandatory. To save you some time, since there are many dating profiles to browse through, online dating sites are using special forms entries, and then recommend a few of the best matches according to your criteria. If you prefer puzzle solvers, you’ll be recommended with few. If you like Latinos, a few will pop in front of you.
But that’s what it is – a recommendation.
Does a similar feature exist in traditional dating?
No. And that’s the difference.
This unique feature exists only on online dating sites. And the practice has shown that a large number of people never moves away from recommended profiles. It appears that, contrary to general belief, people tend to lie less about their preferences in online dating profiles than in physical life.
In physical life, a young adult, during a 10-minute conversation with the strange person, will tell at least one lie! That lie, in most of the cases, is falsely claimed personal preference/affection/desire that has nothing to do with the reality and it’s been said just to charm that other person – to suck up!
But in online dating, where you can actually write down your preferences (i.e. black, 30-35 years of age, American, vegetarian, love to read), without being biased in any way (you’re alone, at your computer, don’t have to suck up to anyone) you are less prone to ask for something you don’t want.
And here’s the core problem of matchmaking of any kind, including but not limited to online dating!
We don’t know what we need or what makes our perfect match!
We can’t express it in any way. Or, to put it even better, when asked, we’ll list things that WE find interesting because we are programmed to assess the environment through our own eyes.
In reality, two individuals, with the exact same preferences will not survive together over an extended period. Because Mother Nature put a simple line of code in our limbic parts of brains that enforce genetic diversification!
What seems to be a soulmate is yet another “you” and as such cannot be considered as a viable mating partner because life is about diversification and not similarities. Your brain will ultimately reject that person and vice versa. There’s nothing you or anyone else can do about that!
The problem is derived from one obvious fact of our existence and our neuronal network in particular – love is an emotion. As such, it cannot be explained in any way.
So how do you and the rest of us find love?
By utilizing the only method we know – trials and errors!
So how on Earth can someone, anyone, find you a perfect match except you? There’s no “book” or some scientific work that lists perfect mix and match cross-referenced characteristics.
Who would have thought that my optimal match would be someone with completely opposite routines? I’m dynamic, she’s passive. I’ll like daydreaming, she is firmly on the ground. I trust, she’s suspicious.
When you think about it, she’s my balance and I’m hers. We are opposite sides of the same coin. Yin and Yang. Black and White.
Which points us to a simple conclusion:
If you like cliffhanging, your life partner must be totally against it. If you like to watch Sci-Fi, your optimal partner should go ballistic on very mentioning of Star Wars.
The thing is rather simple: you should search for counterweight! The opposite of you. The more different you two are, the more likely it is that you’ll “click” in an optimal way.
The solution is very simple
If you are looking to find the love of your life on online dating sites, when entering your preferences, DON’T list things you prefer. If you do that, you’ll be recommended with yet another “you” and that’s fine on a short run and occasional fun time together. In the long run, it won’t work.
Then again, what should you enter to narrow the search?
NOTHING! There are no shortcuts to finding love. We cannot hack this elemental feature responsible for the successful continuation of our existence.
Online dating sites serve just one purpose – to meet people. The rest is on two brains in two heads. Nobody can tell if those two brains will resonate because nobody knows what controls the frequency.
In reality, that’s the only “problem” with online dating sites. Then again, it’s common to any kind of matchmaking because it’s you who must decide whether to enter preferences or not.
Now that you know what each option does, you can easily decide how you wanna use online dating sites:
A) to find occasional fun with the person similar to you or
B) to seek for the love of your life – someone completely opposite from you but with resonance in long-term