Dr. Derek Polonsky, a psychiatrist from Brookline, Massachusetts, affiliated with Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center has come up with the neat solution to 2nd largest issue men have when it comes to their ego. First being the famous size issue, and second, well, when you burst before she even figured that you two are having sex.
Without too much hustle, let’s see what good doctor Polonsky see as the solution.
It’s a series of DIY exercises, specially designed to tackle the problem of premature ejaculation
Dr. Polonsky claims that exercises are making you more familiar with different sensations in your penis and developing a consciousness about what you want to achieve in terms of sexual pleasures.
But there are some more or less known fact, dr. Polonsky insists to be shared with you.
#1 – Premature ejaculation is rather frequent problem for men.
It’s estimated that 30% of men are not satisfied with their ability to control the orgasm. Men are confident that others outperform them.
#2 – All too often the main question in man’s head becomes, “Will I endure?”
It makes pleasure and satisfaction with sex less important than performance. Subsequently, problem only deepens from that point.
#3 – Men think that main problem is that they got aroused too fast.
So they are trying to find something that will cool them off, like football or complex mathematical problems (I remember this one J ). Dr. Polonsky believes that solution is to stay on a high level of excitement after learning how to remain on a point between ejaculation and extremely high physical arousal.
#4 – Many partners (women) are convinced that men are just being selfish.
And that we simply don’t care about the fact that they are left high and dry. If you haven’t so far, I think it’s about time you explain to your partner that this shit makes you feel ashamed and defeated rather than happy and satisfied. Most men, who are orgasming too fast, subsequently feel that same level of subjective experience – the one of low intensity on account of rapid situation development.
#5 – Talking with partner is important.
Specifically about your worries and your willingness to learn about her desires. It will seriously decrease the pressure you feel about controlling your orgasm.
#6 – It works vice versa: don’t talk about her issues and you’re screwed.
Pressure will build-up and tension will make sexual life even harder, stripping it from any pleasure. So do give a shit about her problems. For instance, maybe she’s in for some anal sex only don’t know how to bring it on the table since she’s shy.
#7 – It’s important to know something about partner’s sexual interests and needs.
Men often thinks how “real men” are capable of penetrating forcefully and continuously over the extended period of time. In other words, and driven by all those porns, men have distorted view on what do women expect. We tend to think that faster and longer make it better.
Most of the women I personally know, wouldn’t agree with this assumption. “Make me come 4 times but do it in a short period of time.” That’s what they want.
#8 – Regular exercising is crucial
Almost every man on this planet will have less control over his ejaculation if he didn’t have sex for any longer period of time. But neglect your body and avoid any kind of physical activity, not even a $1K/hour hooker will be able to get it up.
OK, I think we are ready to start with the exercises and resolve the issue of premature ejaculation. Now, I don’t suffer from that particular issue but I did these anyway since I always wanted to hang in that moment just before the burst for as long as I can. And I did experience certain progress. I’m not saying that it’s something for the Guinness Book of World Records, but let’s face it – every second counts.
I’m sure, after a while and with added persistence, that the following series of exercises will help you out.
It will feel a bit mechanical but they are created with the intention to enable you to reach the moment just before the orgasm and then postpone it without thinking about some ugly stuff you saw yesterday.
Masturbate on a usual way until you feel that orgasm is just around the corner. Try to focus on different sensations in your penis that tell you how you’re getting close to orgasm. You’ll feel increased tickling on the tip of the penis or tension in your crotch.
In that moment, you’re advised to stop masturbating and to squeeze your penis with the thumb from the upper side and middle finger from the lower side. Do that either on a root of the penis or right under the head of the penis. Keep the pressure until the moment passes. Release the pressure.
Watch the clock and count 1 minute.
Now do the step 1 all over again. Masturbate until you feel you’ll come and squeeze until it passes. Time yourself to see how much time you need to reach that point.
Do the entire sequence 2 more times.
4th time you are doing the sequence, keep masturbating and feel free to come. But do focus on sensations. The point is to learn different points of stimulation and sensations so you would be able to recognize the signs.
Repeat the Phase 1 at least 3 times per week during the period of 2 weeks. You’ll probably notice how time interval to reach the new moment of near-orgasm after waiting for a minute is increasing. It’s a sign of progress and positive change.
Although, if you notice how 1 minute is too long (you can’t get it up again), reduce it to 30 seconds.
By doing regular exercises, you’ll notice how you learned something entirely new: you’ll know what to do to decide when to come! You can slow down the dynamics, recognize the early warning signs of approaching orgasm and over-arousal or stop the stimulation all together on time.
Phase 2 is here to entice you to try keeping the excitement on a highest possible level. If level 10 means ejaculation, try to hang on level 7.5 or 8.
It’s done by regular exercising where you’re increasing the level of excitement through masturbation. Try to set the level of excitement while being focused on your penis and crotch. As you’re approaching to the level 6 or 7, slow down the rhythm of masturbation to keep the constant, steady level of arousal.
You can experience increased tickling feeling in your penis accompanied with much higher ejaculatory pressure but let’s face it – we like that and women like that. Well, not particularly when you miss the shot and everything ends in her eyes and hair but hey, nobody’s perfect, right?
Additionally, slow down the rhythm but do try to keep steady level of high arousal. For those who fancy more “mechanical” way of lecturing, imagine that you drive the car with manual transmission and that you stopped on a steep acclivity just to become aware how both braking systems went to hell. Your left foot is on the clutch. Your right foot is on the accelerator. And you’re balancing between these two to keep your car in a steady position, preventing uncontrolled down-slope movement.
That’s what you want to learn! To balance without brakes.
It happens, in the beginning, that you fail to recognize the level of excitement and make the sudden leap from level 7 to level 10. Don’t sweat about it. Try again and place better focus on sensations. Next time go slower, but keep maintaining high levels of excitement!
After some time, you’ll notice how you are becoming more capable to keep yourself on that same high level of excitement for much longer time. You’ll also notice the change in how you experience certain stimuli. After being on that level for 10 or 15 minutes, it will become much easier to remain that high level of arousal without orgasming.
The goal of the Phase 2 is to teach you how to maintain same high level of excitement for 15 minutes after which you’re free to let go and burst. Don’t aim for the eyes because the pressure is gonna be much, much higher.
Keep practicing. It would be ideal if you’d keep the 3 times per week interval. Frequency is a major factor in learning how to control your orgasm. Just compare it with the trainings athletes are going through to master some sport. They will train over and over again until the process becomes automated and body starts performing something it didn’t know before. Repetitions are the key for success because you’re creating the loop of habit.
During this phase, you should get more familiar with one particular muscle – external urinary sphincter or the muscle you’re contracting when you hold the pee. While you’re doing your exercises, try to figure out what happens when you’re intentionally contract that muscle. Does the contraction of that muscle bring you closer to orgasm, or does it help you to postpone the orgasm. Then, relax the muscle and observe the effect.
After that, practice slow, gradual contraction of that muscle. You can do this exercise anytime and anywhere as long as you’re not making faces of course.
By doing this exercise, you’re becoming increasingly aware of what happens in your genital region. Some men use the external sphincter to postpone the orgasm, while others may use it to speed up the process. We are different after all.
But for most men, gradual and partial contractions will enable postponing the orgasm, allowing more control over the event itself.
The only difference between this phase and the previous ones is the addition of lubricant. Lubricant will mimic the sense of penetration into vagina, which makes the entire exercise more efficient.
Repeat the exercises and focus on differences in sensations now when you’re using lubricant.
Now, the question is: Are you gonna do it alone or with your partner?
It’s an extremely individual matter. Some men prefer to master these skills in solitude because it allows them full concentration and removes distractions. We all know that women can’t keep their mouth shut and that will lead the entire session closer to her mouth which is not the point after all.
On the other hand, some men feel confident enough and include their partners from the beginning. It’s entirely up to you. Try both just to be sure.
Phase 4 – Bringing in the partner
Once you feel confident enough and under the assumption that you’re in a relationship for quite some time now, it’s time to drive that penis where it belongs. Of course, you’re gonna need your partner for this.
Both of you will be a bit nervous in the beginning but that’s natural. So don’t be disappointed if you ejaculate too soon again. It’s not unusual because you’ll have less control due to that feeling of anxiety first time you bring your partner in.
What may help you this first time is to let your partner climb up, grab your penis and bring it to the entrance. In the beginning just keep your penis at the entrance of her vagina and concentrate on the sensations in your body. If you feel that you’ll come, tell her to move the penis away from the vagina.
The goal of this phase is to try penetrating the vagina with your penis while focusing on sensations, WITHOUT MOVING the penis in and out. Think about what you’ve learned though exercises and focus on the feeling you get in your genital region.
Squeezing the root of the penis with the thumb on the upper side and index finger on the lower side will decrease the ejaculatory pressure.
Once you feel you’re in control, your partner can start moving. Pay attention on a level of excitement – try to maintain the level 7.5-8, while controlling your partner’s movements.
After reaching the threshold of the orgasm for three or four times, let go and burst. You earned it!
Now comes the important part. Pay the fiddler!
Ask your partner — if you don’t already know, which would be weird — what can you do for her! She may or may not be in the mood for any further stimulation.
Talking about expectations and what someone considers as pleasure, removes the need for mind reading and save marriages!
By telling each other preferred methods of stimulations, what do you like and what makes you feel good — same as what makes you uncomfortable — creates the fertile environment for happy sex life because sexual pleasures span beyond ordinary intercourse.
Frequent exercising is the most efficient thing you can do to gain more control over your ejaculation. There will be times when nothing seems to help and it’s happening to everybody without exceptions. Sometimes, time interval between two sexual intercourses is just too goddamn long and you come before even getting the chance to enjoy in the entire play.
So don’t beat yourself over it. Just think about the progress you made and remind yourself how that progress is real. If you focus on failures, there’s a chance that you’ll emotionally detach from your partner, which will have devastating effect on your life, making premature ejaculation the least of your problems.
Do watch that clock and measure your time. We are men. We respond well on precise timetables. Remember that. And don’t forget to drop a ‘Thank You’ card to Dr. Derek Polonsky. He’s the one who saved your sex life after all. So be a good sport.
One more thing. Have fun! That’s the meaning of life.